RESISTING DEVIN SINCLAIR

Tamara

You know, it's quite crazy how people expect you to pack your whole life into one huge ass suitcase and act like it's okay or normal... when in fact, it isn't.

"Phew!" After what seemed like hours of struggling, I finally got the zipper to shut.

Heaving a deep breath, I straightened up and glanced around the large room to ensure that there was nothing I was forgetting.

As I glanced around the now-empty room, I felt a surge of sadness and longing hit me like a lightning bolt with the realization that I was going to miss this room.

The once bubbly, lively room now felt empty and somewhat dejected.

"Tam, come on, you're gonna be late for your flight!" Mom shouted from downstairs.

"Coming!" I replied, half-shouting. "Just one second."

Rushing over to the mirror, I stared at my reflection and couldn't help but feel weird. I've always been blonde, but due to circumstances, I had to dye my hair black. And God, I wonder if I will ever get used to this black-haired girl staring back at me?

I look different. I feel different.

Another sigh escaped my lips. Great. That's like the umpteenth time I'm sighing.

Guess that's because I'm extremely terrified. I'm most definitely certain that if you searched the word terrified in the English dictionary, my picture would pop up.

"Tamara!!" Mom's angry voice made me start.

I grabbed my suitcase... which was so heavy by the way... and darted down the stairs, dragging it alongside me. Mom stood at the bottom of the stairs, a deep frown plastered on her face.

"Sorry, sorry." I started apologizing before she could get the chance to explode.

"I told you to do all this yesterday, didn't I?" She rasped.

"You did. And I did. I'm sorry." I muttered.

"Come on, let's go."

We walked out of the house and got into the car. As Mom started the car, I gave the house one last wistful glance. If there was anything I was going to miss, it was probably this house, where most of my happy memories alongside the sad ones took place.

Mom drove the car down the long driveway until we reached the gate. Unlocking the gate with the remote control, she drove out onto the street.

I wasn't surprised to find our gate plastered with rotten eggs, tomatoes, flour, among other variables, and cardboard signs written "Home of molesters and pedophiles," "Exploiters and molesters," "Rot in hell!" "Die!" "Disgraceful piece of shits!" among hundreds of others.

I glanced away, heaving a deep breath.

I've seen these hundreds of times, and I should have gotten used to it by now, but each time I see them, it makes me feel so depressed.

"Don't let it get to you." Mom said suddenly, making me turn.

I nodded, trying to force a smile. "Okay."

"You know this is going to be a new start for you." She stated the obvious. "Kate and Rich will take care of you."

"I know. I know."

"There's also Sue and Andy who're gonna keep you company all the time." She went on.

"I know, Mom."

She sighed, "I know you're sad, honey, but this is the only way to keep you safe, away from all these... disasters. We can't have people harassing you every time you're out on the street. You need a whole new start. And college life is exciting. Before you know it, you'll forget all about this and... this will all be a passed phase."

I gave her a faint smile. "I know, Mom."

She sighed again.

I used to think I had it worse when Dad's scandal broke out. But I guess I was wrong after all. If anyone had it wrong, it would probably be Mom.

Trying to stay strong for me, getting the lawyer to try and clear my dad's name, even though he abandoned us and vanished into thin air, leaving no trace behind, while being utterly devastated and heartbroken, was no small feat.

Mom always knew how to not wear her heart on her sleeve, and that always made it hard for anyone to know how she was feeling or what she was thinking.

"Now remember, if anyone asks, you're..."

"Tamara Jones, not Tamara Hamilton," I completed for her, my tone slightly annoyed for unknown reason, "I know, Mom. You've said that like a hundred times."

"Good." She smiled at me, giving me a little pet on the head, "I love you. You know that, right?"

"I know." I nodded, "I love you too, Mom. Now, please focus on the road before you get us killed."

She chuckled softly in amusement, returning her eyes to the road. "Yes, your royal highness, I will."

It felt great to see Mom laugh.

"And how about you?" I enquired in curiosity.

"What about me?" She asked, probably feigning ignorance.

"What will you be doing after I leave?"

She raised her shoulders in a shrug, "Pfff! I don't know yet, honey, but... I'll be okay. You don't have to worry about me."

I pursed my lips, "Will you be going ahead to sell the house?"

"Yes."

"Can you even get a buyer?"

"I... I... I don't know, Tam." Her voice cracked. I saw her blink back her tears. "I... don't know. But I will be putting it on the market and will find another place to stay."

I stared at Mom for a while and I couldn't help but feel concerned. I can't even imagine what she must be going through. After Dad's scandal, her cosmetic company hit rock bottom, she lost some of her friends, and now she drink most of the time.

I couldn't help but wonder if she would feel better without me.

"Are you okay, Mom?" I asked.

"Yes. Of course."

"Will you be okay?"

"Tam, don't you worry about me. I'll be fine." She tried to reassure me, but failed terribly. "I'm fine."

No, Mom. You're not.

About eleven minutes later or thereabouts, Mom pulled up in front of the airport.

"Welp, we're here." She stated the obvious, pressing her lips together. "I guess you should get going."

I threw myself into Mom's arms, and she embraced me tightly, petting my hair. "I'm gonna miss you, sweetheart."

"I'm gonna miss you more." I replied, rolling my eyes shut as tears trickled down my cheeks.

After our little moment of hysterics, we finally let go.

"I guess I should get going." I said.

"Yeah." She agreed. "I'm sorry I can't walk you in."

"No, no, it's fine. You can't risk people recognizing you and start... harassing you and stuff."

"Bye, Tam. Take care."

"Bye, Mom. You too."

After Mom and I exchanged farewells, I stepped down with my luggage and walked into the airport.

For some reason, I couldn't help but feel anxious. I was terrified that someone might recognize me and start harassing me again.

After Dad's scandal, I think I've developed some kind of anxiety about being in public spaces.

But thankfully, no one glanced my way, and people who did, spared me no second glance. I guess my dyed hair is doing its work.

I boarded the plane and took my seat by the window.

"Phew!" I sighed, relaxing back.

"Hey, you!" A hard, raspy voice made me glance up. "Do you mind?"

"Uh..." I gaped at her, heart pounding against my chest, wondering if she recognized me.

The girl was pretty, soft, with big brown eyes and pink-dyed hair. She had on a skimpy dress that exposed her boobs and on her hand was a dark spectacles. Besides her was a tall, broad-shouldered man, dressed in a dark suit. Probably her bodyguard.

"That's not your seat, bitch!" She barked at me, making me flinch. "Now get the hell up!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I staggered to my feet and stepped out.

"Ugh!" She groaned in frustration. "This is exactly why I hate flying in planes. Why couldn't Dad just let me use his jet?"

Flustered by the incident and the eyes everyone on the plane gave us, I bowed down my head in shame and realized I had mistaken her seat for mine. I bit my lower lip, hating myself for making a clumsy mistake like that.

I walked over to my real seat and sat down. Letting out a deep exhale, I put on my earphones.

I hope Florida will be as great as Mom says.