Hard to Love

Due to her parents' work relocations, Shi Sui had moved between the north and the south since childhood.

She was accustomed to her parents' busyness, accustomed to having dinner at their friends' homes, and accustomed to finding her entertainment when lonely.

So when Shi Yue apologetically announced the decision to send her to stay with old friends until after the college entrance exams, she didn't think much about it and obediently agreed.

Shi Sui thought it would be similar to uncles and aunties, until Yan Zecheng led her into the magnificent Yan family villa.

Meeting Yan Tingli on the staircase, that indifferent glance he cast her way.

It still stood like an insurmountable chasm across Shi Sui's heart.

The "class differences" that had always been vaguely conceptual in textbooks had never been so clearly etched in her mind as in that moment.

That day, Song Jie had also received her at home, her attitude as gentle and bland as plain water.

Shi Sui didn't want to appear awkward.

But being young, she still showed her nervousness, afraid to see even a hint of displeasure on the hostess's face.

As it turned out, she was overthinking.

Yan Zecheng and Song Jie were both extremely busy. Her arrival in the vast Yan house was like a dandelion seed gently floating to the ground, unable to cause any disturbance at all.

And Yan Tingli, who shared the third floor with her, was much busier than she was.

Weekdays at school, weekends are filled with various training and competitions.

Most of the time, except for the servants, there was often no one else here.

So Shi Sui's tense nerves gradually relaxed, adapting to life at the Yan house.

Occasionally lonely, but fortunately, she was good at entertaining herself.

Though she and Yan Tingli saw each other constantly, fortunately, they could maintain mutual respect.

Morning with messy bedhead hair, or evening yawning while making milk, or occasionally pulling at her nightgown while dancing around.

He always appeared suddenly, startling her.

The only consolation was that Yan Tingli's reactions were always well-mannered.

Usually just a bland glance before calmly looking away, as if seeing something unpleasant to look at.

At first, Shi Sui would feel very embarrassed.

After many while, she became unfazed.

Later, no matter how hard Shi Sui racked her brain, she couldn't understand how Yan Tingli, who initially acted as if even one extra glance at her was too much, became so enthusiastic about sleeping with her.

To this, Yan Tingli later gave an answer that made her want to call the police-

"One more look and I get hard."

Why she ended up rolling around with Yan Tingli essentially came down to Shi Sui drinking too much.

That evening's dinner gathering was all classmates from the same art training class, familiar with each other.

"You're eighteen now, you should know your alcohol tolerance." A friend carried a case of beer into the KTV private room. "Grow some awareness before entering society, and prevent being taken advantage of."

"Especially you, Suisui, don't let anyone trick you."

Whether she'd be taken advantage of after entering society, Shi Sui didn't know.

But that night, Shi Sui thoroughly tricked herself.

After a few beers, she was spinning and giggling.

Holding the microphone wailing like a banshee in KTV, finally hugging her friend, crying, and calling for mama.

None of this was the most terrifying part.

The most terrifying part was-when Shi Sui was helped back to the Yan residence, it wasn't the auntie who opened the door, but Yan Tingli.

Yet Shi Sui was completely oblivious to his low pressure.

She stared at him with wide eyes: "Wow."

He looked like a beautiful boy from Japanese anime.

Her mind ran wild after drinking.

She somehow got her wires crossed, standing straight like she'd been electrified, learning from anime heroines and solemnly raising her hand in salute: "Ohayo, onii-chan!"

The friend who brought her back was surprised: "Suisui, is this your brother?"

Shi Sui was still giggling. Before she could think, her arm was suddenly grabbed, and with great force, the cool air conditioning hit her as she was pulled through the door.

She didn't know what Yan Tingli said to her friend. When she came to her senses, the door was already closed.

The house was dark with no lights on. She stumbled as he dragged her into the elevator.

Shi Sui instinctively tried to break free, then hazily remembered that the Yan residence's duty auntie had asked for leave today, so no one was home.

In the enclosed space of the elevator, she felt safe.

Leaning against the wall, she couldn't help staring at Yan Tingli again.

Looking at his forehead and brow bone, his nose bridge, and lips.

At the junction of his jaw and neck, there was also a small mole.

Devastatingly sexy.

"You're really good-looking." She unconsciously reached out to touch his brow bone.

Shi Sui had no idea what she was doing.

She just inexplicably felt like she'd wanted to do this for a long time.

Yan Tingli dodged slightly.

His dark eyes fell on her face, examining her inch by inch.

Drunk Shi Sui was brazenly thick-skinned, following him without clear consciousness as he didn't dodge again.

"Be my model." The cold, jade-like touch made her reluctant to let go. "I'll paint you beautifully."

He stared at her, a slight curve at his lips, bending down to ask: "What's in it for me?"

"Benefits?"

Shi Sui covered her face and giggled, "If you can be my model, I'd be willing to live in mansions and drive luxury cars."

Yan Tingli's chest vibrated, clearly genuinely amused, his pleasant voice stimulating her nerve endings: "Alright, I agree."

"Just for today," he slightly raised his brows, "aren't you going to seize the time?"

Accompanied by the elevator doors opening.

She successfully brought him into the bedroom in her daze, slowly setting up the easel.

Turning to see him supporting his arm, casually leaning against the wall.

Strangely asking: "Why aren't you undressing?"

Yan Tingli's long eyelashes dropped, dark gaze shooting through the orange-yellow light: "Undress?"

"Didn't you agree to be my model?"

He looked at her, his lips curving into a very slow smile: "You want me to be a nude model?"

"Yes."

"That won't do."

"Why not?" Shi Sui was dissatisfied.

"Need different stakes." As he spoke, his eyes slowly traced her skin, his Adam's apple moving.

If it were now, encountering such a gaze, Shi Sui would have already run away, rolling and crawling. But drunk, she was still recklessly pursuing the question: "What stakes?"

"Very simple," Yan Tingli's dark pupils blinked once, like temptation, like incitement.

"Come here, kiss me."

...Shi Sui felt she wasn't drunk on alcohol, but bewitched.

Otherwise, how could she have been so possessed to step forward, tiptoeing like touching a work of art?

Their breaths drew close.

Shi Sui crashed into his dark eyes.

In this instant, her nape felt cold.

An instinct belonging to herbivorous animals rushed to her scalp, making her movements freeze, her calves instinctively stepping back.

Yan Tingli remained motionless throughout.

Still gentlemanly, his brows and eyes like snow, as if without any worldly desires.

Shi Sui suspected she was overthinking. Finally, lust conquered instinct.

She slowly pressed against his beautifully shaped lips.

Just a light touch.

Her lower back was firmly restrained, the force frighteningly strong, making her begin to tremble.

"This isn't called kissing." His tongue suddenly moved, very violently driving straight in, his Adam's apple rolling, absorbing moisture like he was extremely thirsty, stirring her until she was dizzy and disoriented, "This is."

...That night, only she was bitten all over.

Before dawn, Shi Sui sobered up, seeing Yan Tingli sleeping beside her, so scared that her brain crashed directly.

Her memories were fragmented and blurry.

-Fragmented in that she couldn't remember clearly how exactly they ended up rolling together, but the pleasure during their passion, Yan Tingli's regretful words that they couldn't go all the way without protection, and her disappointment.

All crystal clear.

Shi Sui's scalp tingled.

Not knowing how to face it, she simply held her head and fled.

Before dawn, she ran downstairs, wandering around the villa complex.

Until the sun rose, she hadn't brought her phone and couldn't go anywhere, plus she couldn't stand the heat, so she could only sneak back.

By then, Shi Sui felt guilty for forcing Yan Tingli and never thought of a next time.

Going back, she was casually seduced with one sentence and became bewitched again, kissing him.

That night could still be considered an accident, but every subsequent tryst couldn't find any excuse.

Shi Sui couldn't help but admit it.

She coveted Yan Tingli and was addicted to the pleasure he gave.

The final bottom line Shi Sui set for this relationship was-don't, absolutely don't fall in love.

And don't let anyone know.

In the past two years, she covered her eyes and plugged her ears.

Avoiding any hints Yan Tingli gave as much as possible.

Sometimes, even urgently wanting to separate.

At least separation wouldn't trap her in this kind of entanglement anymore.

"Suisui," Yan Tingli's voice awakened her from deeper daze, with traces of cold laughter, "Next time you pretend not to hear, make your expression more natural, it'll be more convincing."

Shi Sui's eyelashes trembled.

With just a few words, he placed her on a high platform, leaving her absolutely no chance to escape.

"We can't..." Shi Sui could only lower her head, struggling to say those three words, "date."

"Reason."

"Not suitable."

"Size? Quite suitable."

Shi Sui ignored this, saying with pleading: "Can't we just stay like this?"

Her voice was slightly tense, her heartbeat heavy and fast.

She knew this would make Yan Tingli unhappy.

But this was already the most appropriate thing she could think to say.

Yan Tingli's expression was bland, even lowering his head to carefully arrange her skirt hem.

"Like this now," he paused, confirming with her in a low voice, "the relationship of having an affair with me at school?"

He deliberately made it sound ugly.

Shi Sui gritted her teeth, saying defiantly: "Yes, I like it this way."

Yan Tingli sneered: "Good, as you wish."

"Then from now on, I'll kiss you and touch you anywhere I want at school." His gaze swept over her disheveled clothes, "As long as-no one knows, right?"

Shi Sui felt a chill all over from his explicitly invasive gaze, "No...of course not-"

She was flipped around and pressed against the car window.

Yan Tingli covered her from behind, lifting her chin: "Suisui, look outside."

Shi Sui was forced against the car window, her expression immediately changing color.

-She saw Su Ye.

Su Ye is getting off work, carrying a briefcase, standing diagonally ahead, talking on the phone while opening his car door.

"Let go of me," she suddenly struggled violently, "Yan Tingli, you bastard...!"

Yan Tingli covered her mouth from behind.

"Shh." A kiss fell on her neck, murmuring, "Can't let anyone see."

"Otherwise, tomorrow it'll be on the campus wall, the whole school will know we're," Yan Tingli paused, "having an affair in the car."

Shi Sui didn't dare imagine, struggling with all her strength, but everywhere she touched was Yan Tingli's solid muscle.

Immovable.

Instead, the car shook, and Su Ye outside was attracted by the movement, glancing over.

Had Su Ye already seen them?

Shi Sui was so scared she forgot to breathe.

"Move again," Yan Tingli said in her ear, "and Professor Su will think we're having car sex."

Shi Sui endured and swallowed her voice.

Fortunately, Su Ye only looked once, then got in his car.

Soon, the sedan drove away.

In the silence, Yan Tingli suddenly lost interest, leaning back in his seat: "Forgot to tell you, this car has privacy film."

Shi Sui was still in shock, stiff there, about to move when she finally came to her senses. She collapsed and slapped his jaw, leaving a red mark on his pale skin. "Yan Tingli, can you stop forcing me like this?!"

Yan Tingli didn't dodge or avoid.

Just lowered his eyelashes, casting a heavy shadow.

Shi Sui's fingers shrank back, her heart jumping up and down.

Only silence remained.

After a long time, Yan Tingli finally slowly reacted.

"Forcing?" He wiped away the mark she'd scratched on his jaw, no expression on his face, "If I were forcing you, from the moment you got in the car, you should have been pressed on top of me and moving."

"Or from two years ago, you should have been locked in a house no one knows about, never wearing clothes again."

"Rather than like now." Cold mockery danced in his eyes, suddenly, he didn't continue.

Always like a dog, desperately seeking a bit of illusory love.

Shi Sui was stunned, waiting for more, but Yan Tingli stopped there.

As Su Ye's car drove away, Yan Tingli opened the car door expressionlessly: "Your mission is complete."

An attitude of dismissing guests.

They parted on bad terms.

Shi Sui said nothing, lowering her head to fix her disheveled clothes, picking up her bag to leave: "Then that's it."

She didn't want to deal with Yan Tingli anymore.

Not at all.

Before her leg could step out, she was suddenly pulled back from behind, the car door slamming shut.

Yan Tingli's face was close.

He had overflowing emotions, like restraint, like resentment.

Looking at her for several seconds before squeezing out a few words through his teeth: "I won't let anyone know."

Shi Sui didn't catch on: "...What?"

"Dating." The hand gripping her shoulder was very tight: "I won't let anyone know."