The Sweet Obsession

The drive alone was grueling as the numbness expanded like a balloon in my stomach. The thought of the previous session made me want to scream and bash my head against the wall, I just seemed to get more and more pathetic with the days. Sighing, I leaned against the front door, the action of turning the key made me feel too real, something I didn't want to be. Oh to just float away into the dark abyss and never have to deal with life again. Finally finding the energy to enter, the sight of the pancakes on the table deepened my frown, my appetite having long left my body with no sign of return. Trudging up the stairs I felt my inner turmoil at the thought of having to do schoolwork. Oh well, you know what they say, if ever in a state of fragile mentality do homework. Letting myself dissociate from the horror of life I began working through the heaps of assignments. So here we were, no more than two hours later, scrubbing down the tiles in the already spotless bathroom. "Yeah Embry, why don't you go back there and tell them all about your stress cleaning, not like you've made enough of a fool of yourself" I mumbled letting myself fall in a heap on the bathroom floor. It brought a sense of calmness over me, the cool feeling on my back as I laid in a starfish position. It was as if laying on the floor was a safe space, no one can get you here if you're already at rock bottom, they have nowhere to bring you but up. The sound of my ringing phone slinged me away from whatever tranquility I had been in. "Hi mom" I sighed, removing all the products I had been using from the bathroom. "Hi darling, how are you? Did you go to your appointment? How was it? You weren't answering your phone this morning is everything okay? We are on our way home now but if you need us to speed we will and get there as soon as we can? Maybe this wasn-'' pinching the bridge of my nose I quickly dumped the products in the cabinet. "Yes mom, I'm fine, the appointment was fine, I woke up late and hadn't charged my phone and no you do not need to speed home, really" plopping onto the couch I awaited the lecture on the importance of always having my phone charged. "Okay sweetie, I'm glad it went well, I'll be home in about 30 minutes, would you mind turning the oven on?" her voice made me nervous. It was sweet, too sweet, there was no scolding or disappointed sigh. Even against all my curiosity I dropped it, knowing if it was something bad, I'd want to wait the longest amount of time possible before knowing it. "Okay mom, see you soon then," I hung up before she got the chance to reply. I guess my first couple hours of independence in a year was about to end, and how amazing it was for me to spend them in therapy, cleaning and finishing homework. Preheating the oven, I decided against lying on the floor again, knowing if one of my parents walked in on me like that they'd think I was in some state of insanity. It had been awhile since I left my house with no destination in mind, so a walk might be nice. "He isn't out there, nothings going to happen, just get it together and go", bracing myself I threw myself out of the door and shut it before I could convince myself to ditch any plan of a walk. I was allowing my feet to just move, not having the mental energy to map out a plan of where to go. And there I ended up, in the old park, sitting on the swings. It had been too long since I had been on the swings and it felt nice, I felt alive, for the first time in so long and he couldn't take this away from me. I wouldn't let him. "You couldn't have known it would end up like this, there was nothing that could have been done. ...Right?" I mumbled letting the wind take my words with it. *Flashback* "Noah come onnnnn, we can't be late, it's our first day" the teenager whined, tugging the boy by his sleeve. "Calm down princess, we still have like 20 minutes until registration even starts" he smiled at her antics causing her to shy away, hoping he didn't catch the blush that graced her face from the pet name. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, I'm just really excited to see what classes we have" she jumped around having given up on the thought of speeding the boy up. He smirked, knowing they would yet again, without fail, have the same classes as each other, this he made sure of. "I know little bug, I'm sure no matter what they'll be awesome once we are together" he slung his arm around the smaller girl as she leaned into his touch. "Obviously, I mean I'm just the best, so duh" she giggled. The hyperness building within her at the prospect of a new school year. Not that she had many close friends. She talked to everyone and got along with most but they were never more than an in classroom conversation or a question on the homework. Nothing like he was, someone she could go to for everything. Making it to the school with just under 10 minutes left until class they took their seats beside each other, one in anticipation to see their schedule and the other just happy to have someone so amazing with him all the time. "Who do you think will be the teacher for English, I hope it's not Mr. Peterson again, he wasn't that nice and oh no wait what if I have Ms. Rochester for French again, she always shouts and what if-" the rambling girl was cut off by the amused boy. "Ems, are you by any chance nervous?" he raised his eyebrow, already knowing she was, after all he knew everything about her, he would even say he knew her better than she knew herself. "Maybe" she mumbled, looking down and away from his burning gaze. "I know you tell me its stupid, but what if we aren't in the same classes, I don't really know many other people that well and then if there's assignments I'll have no partner and if there's homework-" grabbing her hand, he attempted to calm her nerves. "I've told you, they won't put us in different classes, it's me and you forever, okay?" he smiled sticking his pinky out for her to take. It was such a simple thing, pinky promises, but they meant the world to the young girl, they were something she would never break, not in a million years. It made the girl feel slightly guilty, it wasn't that she was so nervous about being apart from him, it was that she was ashamed of her yearning to possibly make friends by herself. She adored the boy but she never had the chance to talk to others properly and she had always dreamed of having a girl best friend. Finally the schedules were handed out as the students' eyes raced through it, comparing schedules the boy's face fell. It gave away none of the fury he was feeling on the inside. "Oh, we don't have gym together, but that's okay, we have all the other classes together" the girl smiled. "Yeah" he forced out, not losing the composure he had learned to master at a young age. "Well, I'll see you in biology" she waved, skipping away to the gym. The hall still held its bland colour as the groups of teenager's crowded inside of it. Shyly walking out of the changing rooms, the girl was relieved to see the friendly face of the boy in her English class smiling at her. "Hi Derek" she smiled, "hey Embry, how was your summer?" "It was really good, how was yours?" and for the next couple minutes they continued making conversation, relaxing into each other's company. Unaware of the brooding storm making his way towards them. Feeling a yank on her arm, the young girl yelped being dragged to the opposite side of the hall. "Noah? You aren't meant to be in this class, what are you doing here?" she questioned, rubbing the side of her throbbing arm. " I went to the office and they fixed the mistake" he smiled sickly sending glares in the way of the dumbfounded boy who the girl was previously conversing with. "Oh, okay, that's good but I should probably go back over to Derek, we were just talking about the new art room" she innocently blinked, unaware of the dangerous glint in his eyes that appeared at the sound of the other boy's name. "No, it's fine, look he is already talking to someone else" he nodded in the direction of her old companion, proudly gleaming at the revelation. "Oh" she mumbled, the girl couldn't help the disappointment that filled her but soon enough it was long forgotten as the young boy took her mind off of it. Swept under the rug as so many other occurrences were when it came to him. *End of flashback* Snapping out of the thoughts that surrounded those bittersweet memories I trekked back home. Seeing both my mom and dad's car in the drive I wondered how long I had been out. "Embry, oh sweetie, you're okay, thank goodness, where have you been?", shell shocked I couldn't do anything other than stand in the hallway. "I- a walk, why?" worry flitted through my body as I studied the pure look of panic on my mom's face. "You weren't answering your phone and I, we just, I thought something happened when I saw you weren't here and your phone was lying on the table" she sighed, pressing her palm to her forehead. "Embry, you know how important it is for you to tell us when you're leaving and to make sure you have your phone on you at all times" this time it was my father who stood disapprovingly in the kitchen watching me. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise I left it here and I didn't think that-", "that's it exactly Embry you didn't think, have you any idea how worried we were" I grimaced at the raise in level of my father's voice. There was also something triggering about a man shouting at me. Tears pricked at my eyes as I avoided their hard stare, "I'm sorry" I replied weakly. Finally meeting their gazes, my jaw clenched as I saw the pity swimming in their eyes. It irritated me how everyone looked upon me like some broken doll or injured child. "Embry we need to talk to you about something" alarmed, my head shot up towards my mom, she wouldn't hold my gaze, resulting in the formation of a pit in my stomach. "Sit down sweetie, this is important" my heart sounded in my ears as I placed myself across from my parents at the table. "How much do we know about Noah's family?" my mom asked, her voice gentle as if I was about to break. My restless fingers played with the edge of the table, "I, ehm, I" trying to clear the shrill piercing sounds of my thoughts I felt my composure slipping. "Hey, it's okay, take your time" my dad placed his hand on mine, comforting me in one sense but in another sending me into a state of panic, needing to stop him from feeling how shaky my hands were, I abruptly pulled away. "Yeah, I'm fine I just, I didn't expect the question" I gulped knowing anyone would be able to see past my lie. "He lived with his aunt because his mother wanted him to go to a public school, he visited his family every summer but he never really talked much about them and occasionally talked about his mom" I spit out, those words burning my tongue. "Darling, we got a call today, from the attorney we hired during the court case against Noah" my mom hesitated, unsure of how to continue as I felt cold pricks at my nerves. "We never met the man, but the father of that stupid son of a-", "Edward please" my mom scolded. "Right, sorry, Noah's dad seems to be an extremely rich and powerful man and I can't understand why he is only appearing now, I mean really it makes no sense, as if he-". "Dad, please just spit it out" I exclaimed, my head getting light and fuzzy. "They've managed to get parole" he sighed, as both of them stared intently at me, waiting for my breakdown. "I don't understand", "he's getting out of jail, we aren't sure exactly when but it could be any day now" my mom gently smiled. My mind was spinning, everything was going too fast, how was that possible, it shouldn't have been. It couldn't be happening. "That's not possible, he still has five years, there was no parole offered" the desperation seeped from my voice. "I know, our attorney said there was nothing we could do except extend the restraining order, you know what people can do with money, I'm so sorry, but I promise we won't let anything happen." All the words went in through one ear and out the other as I bolted from my chair into my room. I knew what was about to come and no matter what, no one would see me like this, in such a vulnerable state. Clawing at my jumper I tried to pull it off, every touch of the fabric on me felt confining, I was too warm, too restricted. Ripping my clothes off I fell to the ground in nothing but my underwear gasping for air to enter my lungs. The sobs rang through my room as I pleaded with my lungs to allow me air, my fingers wouldn't stop shaking and it all felt too much. 5 things I see. 5 things I see. I couldn't remember how to focus, I was too desperate to calm down. Too panicked to do anything but curl in a ball rushing shallow breaths in and out. He was out now, and this was only the beginning to my end. Even if he didn't come for me I would never be able to escape the fear he instilled in me.