NOT YOURS TO LOSE, EX-HUSBAND

Roxanne's POV I stare at my reflection for the second time, pressing down the invisible creases on my long black dress. The back has a low plunge, reaching my waist. Reese used to love it in the first year of our marriage. I wonder if he'll notice tonight, or of that part of me is buried with the rest of what he used to love. When I step out of our room, I hear laughter coming from down the stairs. I stop and frown. My chest pinches, the ache raw and familiar. Rese didn't say anyone was coming with us. "Do you remember the gold bracelet you got me the last time you were home?" It is a high-pitched tone, honey-sweet. Female. Too comfortable and familiar. "Yeah," Reese, my husband, responds. "You were all pissed that I left home in the first place, that I knew I had to pacify you when I returned. Now, look who is here." "Right!" Their laughter float into the air again, just as I reach the base of the stairs. Her perfectly manicured nails are splayed on his shoulders, and her blonde hair, as always, is styled to perfection. Camilla St. James. The ghost in our marriage. "Oh!" She stops when she sees me, but a part of me knew she must have heard the door close when I got out of the room. "Hi, Roxanne. How are you doing today? Oh my God! You look really exquisite tonight! Love how that dress looks on you." Compliment dipped in poison. "Thank..." "But don't you think the plunge behind is too low?" She slides her nails from Reese's shoulders to his forearm, pinching him slightly. "I don't know. Maybe it is what you like, and if that is the case, then you are free to wear whatever you want. Of course, as long as my best friend is fine with it." And then, she turns to face him. "Are you fine with it, Reese?" Reese used to trace that plunge with his mouth. First year love. First year lies. Camilla's smile is as sharp as claws. "Too low for a married woman, don't you think?" Heat flares up on my cheeks and suddenly, the plunge feels like a noose, wrapped tightly around my neck. The dress doesn't feel elegant anymore. Say, nothing, Roxanne. Don't give them a show. I squeeze my fingers so tight that my wedding band imprints a moon into my skin. "Actually..." My husband angles his head as he regards me. He leans back a little and then sighs, like he is the victim here. "I think I see what Camilla is saying. Everyone can see the plunge even without you turning around. Doesn't exactly paint the best of reputations for a married woman." Of course, Reese will take her side. My marriage vows must have come with fine print that states "includes one mistress disguised as a best friend." "But you used to..." My words die as my husband glares at me. "I don't love it anymore, Roxanne!" He snaps suddenly, cracking the air. "Can't I change what I like?" The dress, me, everything...discarded with one sentence. My chest aches. Can love really vanish this fast, or has it been gone all along? "Don't yell at her, Reese," Camilla croons, patting his back like he is some stray she found on the street. Like I'm the outsider here. "She is your wife and was only trying to make you happy. Excuse her honest mistake." "This is the person you told me I should stay away from," Reese says to me, disappointment dripping from his tone. "You should be grateful instead that she is my best friend because she is the greatest support you will ever have. Do any of your friends stand up for you this way?" None of my friends stand up for me, but it is because I have zero friends, except for those who still force their way into my life despite how I don't have the time for them. And I don't have time because of Reese. All of my life has revolved around him since we got married, and now, I don't even know who I am anymore outside of him. I gave them all up for him. For us. And now, there is no us. Camilla pushes her hair behind her ears in coy shyness. "You don't have to tell her that, Reese," she says, hiding her face in the crook of his shoulder. "Now, you have gotten me all shy and flustered." "The color looks good on you, and maybe you need it with how pale you've been getting recently." The scene plays out in front of me like a record of an old movie I am yet to come to terms with. Reese nudges his head in the direction of the stairs stretched out behind me. "Change into something more decent," he orders. We will be waiting for you in the car." "We?" A sharp pain lurches at me. He has already turned around, with Camilla still clinging to his side. But my question makes him halt. "What is it again, Roxanne?" He sounds like I am disturbing him, like he would rather be anywhere else but here, with me. Okay. Maybe not exactly with me because his best friend is in the room. Since the moment Camilla arrived in Los Angeles, she has been spending more time than not with Reese. They practically go everywhere together, while I am left indoors, cooking a meal that I won't eat because Camilla has a special diet and doesn't eat the meals I eat. And I have a feeling that the same thing is about to happen. "Is someone else coming with us?" I ask, keeping my tone low. Reese hates it when I yell. "I thought you said it was going to be just us. I was supposed to be your date to the cocktail dinner." "Oh! Don't be stingy, Roxanne," he mocks, like I am a child refusing to share candy. "You know Camilla has no friends here in Los Angeles. I am the only one she knows. I can't let her be by herself tonight." "But you told me..." "It's fine," Camilla whispers, shaking her head. She looks up at me with a sad smile. "I totally understand you, Roxanne. You and Reese deserve your alone time, and I shouldn't ruin that. I'll just return to the hotel and binge-watch a series." "No! You're not doing that!" Reese glares at me. "All you had to do was to be understanding just for tonight. You know she's ill, Roxanne. If you can't set aside your selfish desires for one night, how on earth do you plan on doing that for your own child?" "Reese," Camilla drawls. "I've told you not to use her childlessness against her." Then, she turns to me. "Don't worry, Roxanne," she says sweetly. "The fact that you don't have a child yet after three years of marriage..." She pauses, then her face stretches into a smile. "...doesn't mean you are barren. I'll be in the car then so you guys can talk this out." When she skips out, I face Reese. "You know what? She might as well live here!" I mutter, meaning every word. For the first time in weeks, since Camilla's arrival, I don't swallow it back. His eyes light up suddenly. "Now that I think about it, that doesn't sound like a bad idea at all."