My Crush Only Loved Me After I Died

For ten years, I'd loved Eloise Lane in silence. Then my best friend announced he was marrying her.

The invitation arrived during what I knew was probably my last round of chemo.

I had a suit custom-made for the wedding and wore the most natural-looking wig I could find. The doctors had told me I might not see another winter. I wanted to watch the two most important people in my life find happiness before I… before the end.

Before the ceremony, I stood off in a corner, half-listening to Eloise's friends chatting. My thoughts drifted until I caught them reminiscing about our school days.

"Back in the day, Eloise once took an overnight train all the way to another city just to kneel at a shrine and pray for a charm for some guy," one of them recalled.

Another added, "No wonder she was so thrilled when Rowan's letter turned up. Guess they were on the same page after all."

Suddenly, I remembered our high school graduation. Rowan had snatched two charms from Eloise and tossed one to me without thinking, keeping the other. I'd treasured mine all these years, treated it like something sacred. And now I realized—it had been meant for him. I was just the third wheel tagging along.

Bitterness flooded my chest, and I turned to leave.

Eloise's voice rang out behind me. "That letter? It wasn't Rowan's."

I froze, my feet nailed to the floor.

Her tone was calm, almost indifferent. "It was Casey. I'd know his handwriting anywhere."

The person she was speaking to sounded surprised. "Then why didn't you say anything? Casey's been into you for, like, forever. You could've at least given him an answer."

Eloise let out a soft laugh.

"Answer him? Please. His mom has a shady job, and he doesn't even know who his real father is. What if I gave him an inch and he latched on like a leech? I'm not that nice. I don't need that kind of hassle."

She paused, then laughed softly. "Rowan comes from money. He started his own business right out of school. What could Casey ever offer me? Besides his pathetic sincerity, he's got nothing."

My fingers went ice-cold. A numbness crept up my arms, winding through my veins like icy tendrils, snaking right into my heart.

All these years, I'd thought I hid my feelings perfectly. I never imagined she'd known the whole time.

Seven years ago, that heartfelt letter of mine got passed around for everyone to see. Rowan snatched it back, claiming it was his.

When Eloise heard about it, she announced loudly, "Even if Rowan were the last guy on the planet, I wouldn't choose him."

The two had always mixed like oil and water. She was bright and confident; he was bold and shameless. Together, they were fire and ice.

Knowing Rowan had taken the hit for me and been humiliated, I felt crushing guilt. I went and confronted Eloise for him—even though she was the one I loved.

Rowan was my best friend. Whenever I was broke and desperate, he took me in. When I couldn't afford the school field trip, he'd secretly slip his allowance into my backpack. He was the only one who remembered my birthdays, hiking up to the mountaintop with me to make wishes at the summit.

In the end, because of me, Eloise apologized to Rowan and even exchanged numbers with him.

But once college started, Rowan started avoiding me. On his birthday, I used my part-time job money to buy his favorite jersey—only to find him leaning in to kiss Eloise right outside his dorm.

That image is burned into my memory. I walked away and left the gift behind.

I wished them the best, but I slowly pulled away. I never expected that Eloise saw me as a joke.

I pressed a hand to my aching chest, telling myself, This is the year. Stop loving Eloise. The time I have left should be just enough to forget her.