Intricacies of the heart

He didn't call the next day, or the day after that. At first, I  told myself it was fine, I  needed some space and maybe he did too. But by the fourth day, the silence was heavy. Every notification from my phone had me grabbing the device with ferocity. The disappointment when it was just a meme from Cherry or a client confirming a booking was heart shattering. I was slowly losing my damn mind.

I kept busy, cooking, cleaning, working myself to exhausting and pretending everything was peachy. But the quiet moments stretched too long. By the end of week, Cherry came over to my house to learn one of my recipes. She brought a bottle of wine which I was grateful for. After several hours passed, the recipe taught and completed, I couldn't hold my tongue any longer, I confessed all of it to Cherry. From the night I met Crest, to the anonymous private booking, to date and everything in between. I felt guilty for keeping her in the dark all these while.

Cherry was wide eyed by the time I was done. After the shock wore of, she finally sighed and said.

"First of all, why was I not kept in the loop this whole time?"

She playfully held her chest. "Maybe  it's karma for keeping juicy secrets to yourself and sneaking around."

I rolled my eyes at how dramatic she was being. "I'm sorry, well now I've told you, pacify me, tell me what to do."

 "Okay why exactly did you bite his head off for being a gentleman and offering you drop you home?"

 I sighed, twirling a piece of my hair and said. "It's not that simple."

"Umm, it exactly is that simple Sasha."

I looked at one of the chairs that was missing a leg. "You  don't understand, I didn't want him to see where I live, I panicked and didn't want him to think less of me when he saw."

Cherry was quiet for a long time. Then she said softly. "You  think he cares? Look he's made an effort to get to know you, he's not going to take off running because you don't live in a castle."

That was the problem, not knowing what his expectations of me are, what he'd care about.

"I'd rather not find out what he thinks, while he's standing in my hallway, pretending not to notice the cracks." 

Cherry just studied me, not with judgement, something gentler, a contemplative look.

"You've  got this wall girl, thick as hell. But one day, someone's gonna want to climb it, and you're gonna have to let them."

I laughed. "Yeah? And what if they just use it as a view before they jump back down?"

 She just reached over the counter and poured two glasses from the bottle of wine she brought, we drank in silence. Somewhere between the second and third glass, I admitted to myself that I missed him and decided I was going to be open with him. Damn the consequences. It scared me more than anything else.

It took me three nights to dial his number. What if he was done with me. I must have stared at the screen for an hour before pressing call. My hands were shaking slightly as I sat on the edge of my small bed, not from fear, exactly, but from the weight of what I was about to do. He answered on the second ring. For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then, quietly he spoke.

"Hey."

 "Hey," I said. My voice sounded smaller than I wanted. "If you're home and not busy, and comfortable with me being in your house, is it okay if I come over?"

I was blabbing. I cursed at myself.

There was a pause, surprise, then softness. "Sure."

"Okay," I said. "Send me an address."