Hope Mired in Regret

Outside, Dad was still kicking the door, but Jonah pulled him back.

“We should go! It’s pointless to beg someone like that. I’m determined to save Rachelle even if I have to sell my blood plasma or take a loan from a loan shark.”

Their footsteps receded.

I leaned into the door and slid down to the floor. The cement was cold under me as I finally dared to let out my cough.

I coughed up blood, and it stained the money in my hands.

This was money Jonah had worked hard for over three years to save so that we could have a nice wedding.

I carefully cleaned the blood from the money and shoved it all into a metal box under my pillow.

There was more than 40 thousand dollars in there that I had saved up myself.

It was all the money I had made in the past few years. I had saved and scrimped by going as far as to sell my own hair.

But it was far from enough.

‘I’m sorry, Rachelle. I can’t even make 500 thousand dollars that you desperately need,’ I thought.

I looked at my bloody hands and suddenly burst into laughter.

Jonah had been about me. I hoped that he would forget me after this.

He could marry Rachelle. She was much nicer than I and far gentler.

The most important thing was that Rachelle would soon have a healthy kidney.

As for myself, I would soon become a rotting corpse.

That night, after Jonah left, I got a high fever. My bones ached terribly.

I knew that I did not have much time left.

As long as I was clear-headed, I had to finish up what I had to do.

I used all my strength to pull an old backpack from under the bed. It held a form for organ donation. I had secretly gone to the Red Cross to get this a month ago.

When the staff there saw how young I was, she tried her best to get me to think things over.

But I only smiled and said, “I want to do a good thing. I could choke on water and die for all we know. If something like that happens, at least my organs won’t go to waste.”

I took out a pen and wrote my name down. My hands shook so much that the words were crooked.

In the field for the intended recipient, I carefully wrote Rachelle’s name.

I was terrified that I would spell her name wrong and my kidney would end up somewhere else.

Once I filled in the form, I carefully put it into a waterproof bag and hung it around my neck.

This was my lifeline. It was what I had to produce before I could go and meet my maker.

Once that was done, I took out my phone.

I wanted to leave my family something, but I knew that I currently looked frightening.

My face was bloodless, and my lips were dried and cracked. My gums were red and swollen.

Rachelle would surely be sad if she saw me like this.

She was always so smart and knew me well from when I was younger.

I dug through my drawers to find a particular red dress. It was a piece of clothing I had forced myself to buy. It cost 300 dollars.

When I brought it home, Dad had scolded me for being lavish. Although she did not say anything, I could see the reproach in Rachelle’s eyes.

I had bought that dress exactly for this day.

I put on some bold, daring makeup. I used the reddest lipstick and patted on a thick layer of foundation. I even put on a dramatic pair of sunglasses to hide my sunken eyes.

I put my phone against a cup of instant noodles and turned on the camera to record.

The woman on the screen was in an ostentatious red dress and smiling wickedly.

“Hey, old man, dowdy lady, and, um, Jonah…” I said. My voice was a little hoarse.

I quickly cleared my throat and acted like everything was fine.

“By the time you see this video, I’ll already be on the other side and living it up. Don’t cry. I’m a bad person, and I’ll be causing trouble down there for the devil. I was lying to you about that 500 thousand dollars. I’m not that greedy…”

At this point, I paused. I could feel something hot surging up my throat, wanting to get out. But I forced it down again.

I continued, “Dad, stop smoking so much. It’s bad for your lungs. Rachelle, don’t be too nice to your husband. You can’t give men too much leeway. Jonah…”

At the mention of his name, I felt like something was crushing my heart.

“Forget me, Jonah. I’ve had a bad run in this life. In the next life, if I don’t get sick, I will surely marry you.”

In the end, I could not hold back the tears anymore, and they flowed freely.

“It doesn’t hurt, really. Honestly, it doesn’t. I’m just feeling a little sleepy now, so I’ll take a nap.”