HIS GREATEST MISTAKE: the wife that became untouchable

Chapter One

Leilani

Caspian Blaize was never meant to be mine.

Even now, two years into this marriage, that truth sat heavy in my chest like a lump of unshed tears. 

He was supposed to marry my sister. Lilac. The one everyone loved. The one he loved.

But Lilac disappeared the night before the wedding. And by morning, I was standing at the altar in her place. A replacement and a solution. A mistake he would never forgive.

He never touched me after the wedding. In his eyes, I was the reason Lilac was gone, the reason she had been crippled years ago and the reason everything fell apart.

Caspian had never raised his voice at me or mistreated me. But living with him… had been its own kind of quiet torture. Watching him search for her desperately like a lost kid calling out for its mother. Hearing him mutter her name in his sleep. Seeing him sometimes look at her picture with longing. Her pictures were hung everywhere in the house. None of mine existed. Not even the wedding pictures. All I had was his surname.

“Through your vicious scheming. You have wrecked my relationship with Lilac.” His words from our wedding night still echoed clearly in my mind. “The title of being my wife is all you’ll ever get.”

And he had kept that promise.

We lived in the same house first like strangers, then roommates, but never lovers. 

Today was our second wedding anniversary. Or rather, the anniversary of the day he lost her.

Every year, he left without fail. He would disappear for the entire day, or longer. While I stayed home to celebrate another year of loneliness. 

So when I heard the sound of his car pulling into the driveway that evening… I froze. I almost thought I was imagining things until I heard clearly the familiar hum of his car's engine cutting off. 

My heart began to beat faster as I moved toward the window, almost afraid of what I would see. And then… there he was, standing outside. Our eyes met from where he stood and a strange shiver ran down my spine. He was… grinning at me? 

My heart skipped without warning. I had never seen him look so boyishly happy and excited. Like he had been waiting all day to see me.

I didn’t have time to understand what was happening before my bedroom door flung open. He walked in without knocking and the scent of alcohol reached me first. My fingers curled slightly at my sides in understanding. He was drunk. Yet the realization did nothing to calm my racing heart. I hated how he still affected me even after all these years.

“Caspian…?” I called softly.

He didn’t answer. He just kept looking at me. But not with the cold distance I had gotten used to seeing. His tie hung loose around his neck, his chest slightly exposed. His raven dark hair fell over his forehead and though I could smell the alcohol from this distance, his eyes were transfixed on my every move. He watched me like a predator tracking its prey. Like a man hungry and starved. He had never looked at me that way. Like he wanted me… desired me…

“Lilac…”

My breath caught shakily. Of course. It wasn’t me. Feelings of pain, humiliation and anger coursed through me.  

His shirt hit the ground and for whatever reason my lungs refused to function normally. All  the questions I had to ask had disappeared as he stalked towards me.

Caspian reached me and I shuffled backwards, wanting to keep the distance between us. But he persisted until there was no space between us. His hands, when they touched me, were gentle. Careful. Like he was afraid I might break.

I found myself shivering. I should have stopped him. I tried to stop him…

“Caspian please. We… can’t do this,” The protest was weak as it left my lips. He pulled me closer, cupping my head and leaving a kiss on my chin, my neck, and behind my ear. He was ravenous, impatient. His lips searched lower and lower until they got between my breasts, his hands grabbing them. I stopped him.

Looking down at him was a mistake. He watched me with eyes filled with adoration and something close to obsession and need. He was waiting for me. Waiting for her. Something inside me broke. 

 “I love you”  He whispered as his lips came down on mine.

The sudden heady shot of desire that coursed through me was something I never prepared for. Our first kiss. He loves her. He still loved her.

I fought against the urge to give in, thinking about another woman while being with me was reason enough. But I was beyond reasoning as I caved, brick by brick, surrendering my body to a man who would never love me. Just for one night… I allowed myself pretend.

Morning came too quickly. When I opened my eyes, he was already awake sitting at the edge of the bed with his back to me.

He had one hand pressed tightly against his forehead like he was trying to piece together fragments of a night he didn’t want to remember.

My heart clenched and unclenched as I sat up slowly. What was I to say? Apologise? Explain? Walk out? The silence was suffocating and I felt like fish out of water as I struggled to breathe. 

He turned and the moment his eyes met mine, the softness was gone. All that remained was cold, sharp hatred.

“Last night was the biggest mistake of my life.” He said unflinchingly. 

His words hit me hard, my chest hurting like someone drove a knife through me. I sat there trembling, with anger and pain and incoherent thoughts.

A bitter laugh slipped out before I could stop it.

“Is that all you’re going to say?” I asked.

He paused slightly, without turning.

“I expected that,” I continued, my voice shaking. “It’s always my fault, right? I’m the villain in your love story.”

His shoulders stiffened but he remained quiet, putting on his clothes. I stood up, clutching the sheets around me.

“For two years, Caspian,” I said, my voice rising, “you’ve looked at me like I ruined your life. He watched with eyes as cold as a reptile's. Like I was putting on a show for him.

“You think I took your precious Lilac away from you?” I went on. “You think I crippled her? That I made her disappear?”

My chest rose and fell with each word.

“I’m not doing this with you. You succeeded in getting what you wanted by seducing me–”

“I seduced you? You married me,” I cut in sharply. “You had the choice not to yet you did! It’s absolutely normal for a married couple to have sex!” My throat tightened with emotion. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

“Do you realise that I too had lost my sister? But you never cared about that, did you?” I said, looking straight at him.  “You were too busy hating me for something I didn’t do.”

The tears I fought hard to keep, rolled freely from my eyes. For a moment I thought I saw something shift in his expression. Guilt? Pity? But it disappeared just as quickly. 

“Are you done?” he asked flatly.

The words felt like a slap. His gaze swept over me with disgust and impatience.

“Whatever you think you’ve convinced yourself of doesn’t change anything.”

My fingers tightened around the sheets.

“Last night was a mistake,” he repeated, dipping me in icy water with his words. “And it will never happen again.”

“From now on… we’ll stay in separate rooms.”

And with that he was gone, leaving me alone, a crumpled crying mess.