Goodbye to the Girl I Was

Afterwards, even those who adhered to the tradition of no talking during meals or at bedtime couldn't stay away from their phones. The reason was always an ongoing case they hadn't explained to the interns.

I watched his fingers fly across the screen, typing until the food on the table went cold. Or he’d turn his back to me, his phone screen glowing all night long. Sometimes his lips would press into a tight line, other times a slight smile would play on them. But what kind of questions needed the head of the law firm to answer personally?

The next morning, Ronan brought me a sandwich from that little place as he had promised. The red in his eyes betrayed a sleepless night.

"Why do you smell like disinfectant? Did you go to the hospital?"

Ronan froze for a moment, then said, "No, I didn't shower last night, so I probably just stink a bit."

I stirred the oatmeal in my bowl, pretending to be relieved. "It's fine as long as you're not unwell. You left in such a hurry last night and forgot your phone. I couldn't reach you."

A hint of guilt flashed across Ronan's face as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. "I'm sorry, Vivian. Last night was really busy. I couldn't take care of you."

"That case I was working on just needs a bit of finishing up. Once that's done today, I'll have a few days off, and we can go out for some relaxation."

Today? But today was our scheduled prenatal checkup. He forgot.

Seeing my frown, he kissed me again, "Little mommy-to-be, don't frown so much. A happy heart means a healthy, beautiful baby."

I pushed aside the uneasy feeling in my heart and gave him a reassuring smile. I said it was okay. I could go alone.

He could lie flawlessly, and I could hide my sadness just as well. Seeing my demeanor, Ronan sighed, looking even more remorseful. I did it on purpose. Deliberately acted magnanimous, deliberately made him feel guilty. Deliberately played the role of the considerate, understanding wife.

While waiting for the test results, I idly scrolled through short videos. Suddenly, a name on the waiting room's big screen caught my attention. Luna.

Then, a mechanical female voice called out, "Luna, please proceed to examination room number three."

My heart skipped a beat, a suspicion I didn’t want to accept surfaced. Then, the scene before me stabbed at my eyes again.

Ronan, who I had parted with less than an hour ago, was helping Luna walk slowly to the examination room. We were separated by just two rows of seats.

Luna whimpered continuously as Ronan, seeming to complain but actually concerned, said, "See, you wouldn't take care of yourself, chugging down ice water without thinking of the consequences? Oh, not ice water, wine."

"I know I was wrong. You're still lecturing me now?"

"If it happens again, I won't help you."

Luna leaned closer to him, saying, "If you do, you’re a little puppy."

Ronan gave her back a gentle pat, "Still so cheeky?"

Their voices faded, and a wave of nausea hit me. I began to dry heave again, trying to blend into the crowd, hiding myself away. Feeling ridiculous at my own reaction, I realized I was the legitimate wife, so why did I feel like the one caught in a compromising situation?

So my husband, once again using the excuse of being busy, forgot our prenatal appointment, and on the same day, took another girl for her menstrual pain.

Tears silently rolled down my cheeks, and I felt a profound sadness for my situation. Young love had ultimately led to this.