Forbidden Cravings (M&M)

"Are you insane?!" Evan exclaimed, clutching the bleeding hand in his as his eyes blazed with irritation. "How could you do this to yourself? Over someone who doesn't even care?"

Infuriating on so many levels, he had always known Nathan to be rational and composed, so to see the usually so-elegant man drunk and disheveled was shocking enough. All over a man who wasn't good enough to take up his time.

“Jesse… you're back? Where did you go?" Nathan slurred drunkenly, his hand clenching around Evan's in an attempt to hold onto reality. "Really kidnapped, or… or are you just tired of me? That's why you disappeared for almost a week? Why aren't you saying anything?" His voice cracked with desperation as he peered up at Evan, his eyes unfocused.

"Look at me! " Evan yelled, shaking Nathan somewhat in an attempt to snap him out of it. "Nathan, open your eyes and look at who's standing right in front of you! I'm Evan! Evan! Not Jesse! Not the person you keep going crazy over! " His words hit like a sledgehammer.

He continued, “While you are here drowning yourself in alcohol and acting like a fool, he is out there having a time of his life with someone else.

He does not give a damn about your deplorable state, so wake up already!”

Nathan froze, his eyes blinking as if he were coming out of some sort of fog. "What… What do you mean? Where is Jesse?" His voice quivered, and his grip on Evan's hand tightened. "Don't tell me… don't tell me it's what I've been afraid of all along.

The tightness in Nathan's chest constricted even further; the vise in his chest twisted. His assistant had said something about having seen Jesse at the airport with his manager, a little too cozy to be explained by just work. He had refused to believe him at the time, there had to have been a different explanation. Now, with Evan's expression and his words, cold dread settled over him.

Evan looked down at his own hand, Nathan's tight grip beginning to hurt. "Let go of me, you're hurting my hand," he snapped, yanking his hand free.

"I'm. I'm so sorry," Nathan stammered, the haze of alcohol and confusion still thick in his voice. "I just…Please, tell me what's going on. Where is Jesse?

Instead of answering straight away, Evan pulled out his phone. Mixed anger and pity started from his eyes. He tapped on the screen, and on came a recording. The sweet, honeyed, and warm voice of Jesse filled the air.

"Dave~ I called you, but you didn't pick up. That busy? Jesse's voice was playful as it teased. "I miss you so much… When are we going to move forward with the plan? I can't wait to be with you every day."

Nathan's face whitened, his breath caught as if the floor had disappeared from under his feet. He couldn't bear to listen to one more word of Jesse sweet-talking someone else. It was like someone was twisting a knife in his chest.

"How could he…" Nathan's voice broke as he stepped backward. "I gave him everything. Why wouldn't he just tell me if he didn't want to be with me anymore?" He passed a trembling hand through his hair. "No, this can't be right. There has to be some other explanation. Jesse wouldn't just… betray me like that. It's not like him!

"It's precisely what he did," Evan said in a hushed tone. "You were blinded by it because you were so in love."

"Leave," Nathan muttered, staring at the floor as though it would swallow him whole. "Thank you for telling me the truth, but I need to be alone.”

"No," Evan said, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm not going anywhere."

Nathan's head snapped up. "What do you mean you're not leaving? Had another falling out with the family?"

He knew all about how messed up the family dynamics were for Evan, but he was really in no mood to play therapist tonight.

"Yeah, we argued, and they threw me out," Evan said matter-of-factly. "But that's not why I'm staying. I'm not leaving until I've treated your wounds." He glanced at Nathan's hand, at the dried blood still starkly there to remind him how recklessly he'd behaved. "Besides, if I go now, you'll probably only go and hurt yourself some more."

“I'm fine," Nathan insisted, his voice shaking, betraying him. "The cut will heal on its own." He turned and started stumbling towards the hallway, his movements clumsy and unsteady.

Evan watched him, his eyes narrowed. "And so you are going to keep punishing yourself for someone who never deserved you in the first place?" His tone was quiet but held an edge. "Tell me, Nathan, is he really worth all this?"

Nathan stammers, shoulders slumping. "H-He's. He's worth it to me." The words were barely spoken. "I know it sounds pathetic, but even after everything… I just can't bring myself to hate him." The defeated tone in his voice was as good as an acknowledgment that loving Jesse meant getting hurt. "You don't understand. He saved me once. When I was at my lowest, he was there… and I just want to hold onto that feeling, even if it's just a lie."

The words hit Evan like a slap. Jesse wasn't the only one who had saved Nathan before, he himself had pulled him out of the darkness more than once, but it seemed Nathan would never see him that way. Evan was trapped in a one-sided love that hurt more than anything else.

Evans turned away, realizing he had nothing more to say. If that's what Nathan wanted, just to keep chasing after a dream..then he couldn't be stopped. Evan quietly began cleaning up the mess. He swept the floor of broken glass, wiped away the spilled alcohol, and generally made the place decent again. Once everything was back in place, he quietly left the house, not wanting to see Nathan's sad figure any longer.

Outside, the night had fallen, casting the streets in dim light from streetlights. Evan checked the time on his timepiece, he was past curfew to make it back to his university dorm. He let out a sigh and flagged a taxi to his best friend Megan's place. She had always been his safe space whenever things fell apart, and he knew she wouldn't mind him showing up unannounced.

When he knocked on the door, Megan answered almost immediately, in a loose tank top and shorts that left little to the imagination. Evan immediately turned his back, his face heating up. "Seriously, Meg? Couldn't you put on something decent?"

"Why? Did I just turn you straight?" she teased with a laugh. "Or do you need a reminder that you're not into girls?”

Evan rolled his eyes, already feeling some of the weight on his shoulders lift. "You're impossible." He shook his head as she stepped aside to let him in. The comfort of her place enveloped him like a warm, familiar hug.