What we shouldn't be

KENZ'S POV

CHAPTER THREE

"Shit," I muttered under my breath.

Jeremy pulled away from me so quickly that I almost laughed.

Of course, laughing would have been incredibly stupid considering the situation I was in.

"Kenz?"

My sister knocked again.

"Kenz?"

My stomach dropped.

I was as good as dead.

Ellie was a full time chatterbox. If she saw Jeremy standing in my room, my life would officially be over.

Jeremy looked around the room as though he were searching for an escape route.

Then he pointed toward my closet.

"Oh my God. Absolutely not."

He rolled his eyes.

"What? Scared of something, or have you got a better idea?"

Another knock echoed through the room, louder than the first.

"Kenz, open up!"

I grabbed Jeremy by the wrist and pushed him toward the bathroom instead.

He nearly slipped while trying to avoid crashing into the wall.

"Hurry up," I whispered.

The moment the bathroom door clicked shut, I opened my bedroom door just enough to peek outside.

"What do you want?"

Ellie immediately narrowed her eyes.

"Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you've seen a ghost."

"What do you want, Ellie?"

"Relax. Why are you acting so nervous? You're sweating."

I touched my forehead far too quickly.

"It's hot. I was fixing something."

She leaned against the door frame, obviously unconvinced.

"Mum asked me to check on you. She thinks you're sick."

"I'm fine," I answered immediately.

The sooner Ellie left, the better.

Her eyes drifted past me and into the room.

For one terrible second, I thought Jeremy was about to sneeze or knock something over.

The silence from the bathroom suddenly felt much too suspicious.

Then Ellie sighed dramatically.

"You're acting really weird."

She stared at me as though she could somehow read my thoughts.

I snorted.

"Thanks."

"Whatever. Goodnight."

"Yeah. Night."

I closed the door and released a long breath.

A few seconds later, the bathroom door creaked open.

Jeremy stepped out while trying to hold back a laugh.

"That was painful to watch. You looked like you were about to pee yourself."

"Oh, shut up."

"You're such a terrible liar, Kenz. I'm surprised we managed to hide our relationship for so long."

I frowned.

"Relationship? We were never in one."

My mood shifted instantly.

He smiled, and, annoyingly enough, it still affected me.

"So you didn't like what we had?" he asked as he stepped closer.

The smile disappeared from my face immediately.

The room suddenly felt too warm.

I crossed my arms.

"That's all in the past. You treated me like shit."

His expression changed at once.

"I know."

"No texts. No calls. Nothing."

"Kenz—"

"No."

I cut him off before he could continue.

"You don't get to show up here and pretend everything is normal. You don't get to act as though you didn't disappear without saying a word after making me think I mattered to you."

Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

"My dad found out we were spending time together."

I frowned.

"And?"

"He started asking questions."

"And you panicked?"

"Yes."

I laughed once.

There was nothing funny about any of it.

"So your solution was to pretend I didn't exist?"

"It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?"

"I needed space."

He sighed.

"I was trying to figure out who I was. A lot happened, and I couldn't deal with it. I'm sorry I let all of that come between us."

Silence settled over the room.

Jeremy stepped closer again, moving much more carefully this time.

It was almost as though he already knew I was seconds away from throwing him out.

"I thought staying away would make things easier," he said quietly.

"For who?"

He didn't answer.

That hurt more than any answer could have.

I looked down at the floor because I already knew what would happen if I kept looking at him.

"You should leave."

He ignored me and took another step forward.

"You don't mean that."

"I do."

I lifted my head and forced myself to look directly at him.

"This was never supposed to work. It still can't work, and I don't feel anything for you anymore."

That was a lie.

A very obvious lie.

Jeremy slowly shook his head.

"No."

His voice was barely above a whisper.

"You make staying away impossible. I wish I could change what happened, but maybe we could start over."

My chest tightened.

I hated that it did.

For several seconds, neither of us moved.

Then he carefully reached for my hand.

"Maybe I shouldn't have left, but I did."

He looked down.

"I'm sorry, bunny."

I rolled my eyes even though I could feel my face growing warm.

"Stop calling me that."

A smile spread across his face.

"You still react every time."

Before I could answer, my phone buzzed loudly from the other side of the room.

Both of us froze.

"Probably your mum," Jeremy whispered.

I walked over to my desk and picked up my phone.

It was an email from NYU.

My eyebrows immediately drew together.

"Who is it?" Jeremy asked.

I didn't answer.

Instead, I opened the message.

My heart almost stopped.

CONGRATULATIONS. YOUR APPLICATION HAS BEEN ACCEPTED. WE ARE EXCITED TO OFFER YOU ADMISSION. CLICK BELOW TO ACCEPT THIS OFFER.

I stared at the screen.

Jeremy noticed the expression on my face.

"Kenz?"

I looked up.

I still couldn't find the words.

He glanced down at my phone.

"Wait. NYU?"

He blinked.

"That's in New York."

"Yeah."

The word came out quietly.

"Oh."

He looked away.

"So you're leaving Greenville."

"That's..."

I waited for him to finish.

"That's what?"

He hesitated.

"I don't know. It's just a lot."

He lowered his eyes.

"So you really want to go?"

"Yes."

I didn't hesitate.

"It's all I've ever wanted."

His expression darkened.

"But what am I supposed to do when you're gone?"

I knew exactly where this conversation was heading.

And I didn't like it.

I wasn't about to give up NYU for anyone.

Not now.

Not ever.

Before he could continue, I took a step backward.

"What were you doing during all those months when you weren't with me?"

The question came out colder than I had intended.

Silence immediately filled the room.

Jeremy looked down.

"So that's it?"

"Yeah."

I folded my arms.

"That's what it means."