Starting Over Without Him

"This year, there's only one spot available–and I fought hard to secure it for you.

"If things don't work out with Baron Cole, I'll talk to him. You two have a strong relationship. Waiting a few years won't matter."

As I stared at the application form my professor handed me, my hands would not stop trembling.

In my previous life, I spent forty years married to Baron. We raised a son and a daughter. I thought that was what a complete, fulfilled life looked like.

However, after he died, while sorting through his belongings, I found a box filled with letters and photographs.

That was when I learned the truth–he had always loved someone else.

She was his first love… and the biological daughter of the family that raised me.

Back in 1984, he hid my study-abroad application, giving the opportunity to her instead.

From that moment on, I became a housewife. And he devoted himself to helping the woman he loved rise–until she returned from overseas as a celebrated professor.

Even my own son later turned their story into a drama, glorifying their restrained, enduring love.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back on the day I first received that application form.

This time, I did not hesitate.

"Professor, I'm going abroad."

The professor beside me had not noticed anything unusual. He kept persuading me patiently.

"I know you've just gotten married. It's normal to be inseparable at a time like this, but…"

"I understand, Professor. I'll go."

I cut him off, then sat back down and quickly filled out the form.

He looked stunned for a moment, then asked cautiously, "Whenever we asked you to go on field research before, Baron always insisted on going with you. This is a big decision. Are you sure you don't want to discuss it with him first?"

Everyone thought Baron Cole loved me deeply.

Even in my previous life, I believed that too.

I shook my head, smiling as I handed the completed form to the professor.

"Well, since we're married, he'd definitely want me to become a better version of myself. I'll tell him when I get home. Professor, I'll have to trouble you to keep this confidential for now."

Only then did he relax, smiling as he locked my application away in his cabinet.

The moment I stepped out of the teaching building, I let out a long breath.

In my second shot at life, I would never let Baron bind me in the name of love again.

In my previous life, I had applied to study abroad, but I never got in.

At the time, I thought it was because I was pregnant, so I did not dwell on it. I simply stayed home, resting and preparing for childbirth.

Just like that, I was trapped in that life forever.

It was not until after Baron died, when I was sorting through his belongings, that I discovered the truth. He had never submitted my application at all.

He had given my spot to Michelle Rivera, my adoptive parents' biological daughter.

After that, he repeatedly hid things from me, taking Michelle's daughter overseas to visit her.

Even my own son had been secretly keeping in touch with them behind my back.

After Baron died, my son even wrote their story into a script, speaking in his father's voice on camera and telling the world how his father had spent his entire life regretting not being brave enough in his youth.

I remember staring at an old, yellowed photograph. Behind it, in Baron's strong, steady handwriting, were five words.

'The love of my life'.

That was when I finally woke up.

My entire life had been nothing but a cruel joke.

When I nearly bled to death giving birth, my husband was thinking about how to persuade me to raise Michelle's daughter as my own.

When I spent sleepless nights worrying about his safety on assignments, he was flying halfway across the world with that child to reunite with Michelle, without a second thought for his own son.

After Michelle returned to the country, he lied to me, saying a comrade had died and left behind a widow and child who needed support. Month after month, he gave most of his salary to her.

Everyone praised their restrained, regret-filled love story.

However, no one ever thought about me, the one kept in the dark my entire life, the one used as a cover for their betrayal.

Or the Rivera family, who had adopted me from the orphanage.

Back then, Michelle had gone missing while playing, and to comfort her devastated mother, they adopted me.

However, somehow, I became the arrogant impostor, the one who had stolen her place and tried to take everything that belonged to her although I moved out as soon as I started working.

Despite me cancelling my engagement to Hayden Chandler once she returned and paying back every cent the Rivera family had spent on my education, it was still not enough.

Everything she had lost was blamed on me. That made it acceptable for everyone to take from me without guilt.

Even Baron.

He only married me because he was afraid that if I stayed entangled with Hayden, Michelle would be hurt.

After Hayden died, his sympathy for her only deepened, so he allowed Michelle's daughter to call him 'Dad'.

He allowed her to use my design work to secure her chance to study abroad.

That was because in his mind, I owed her. She needed that opportunity more than I did.