Outsider in My Own Marriage

The absence of my presence these past few years had made me accustomed to compromising in front of Sophie and her family.

Even when Julius replaced me in the family portrait, or when every New Year's dinner table was filled with dishes Julius liked, I endured it.

I even comforted myself by telling myself that things weren't so bad if someone could stay by their side in my place.

I thought that as long as the family was happy, nothing else mattered.

But today, a single apple gave me a wake-up call. If they already saw me as an outsider, why was I still trying so hard to belong?

I scoffed, "I don't want anything. I wish you and your family a lifetime of happiness."

With that, I turned and went to the bedroom to pack my things.

Sophie followed me into the room and slapped me across the face.

"It's New Year's! What kind of attitude is that? It's just an apple. Do you have to turn the whole house upside down over something so small? Julius already feels awkward in this family. After your little scene, just how embarrassed do you think he is?

"I think you're determined to make all of us miserable!"

My head tilted slightly from the force of the slap. I stared at her.

Before the holidays, I had rushed home early on purpose to spend the New Year's with them. No one came to pick me up. They said they were too busy.

But on Julius' timeline, there was a video of the whole family taking him out to relax.

"It feels so good to be loved by family," the caption read. "I told Mom, Dad, and Sis not to accompany me, but they insisted. What am I to do with them? I matter that much to them."

I felt wronged and confronted Sophie about it.

She got angry instead. "When my dad was hospitalized, it was Julius who took care of everything. Isn't it only right that we take him out to relax? So what if we didn't pick you up? Why are you so petty?"

They forgot that I paid every cent of my father-in-law, James Caldwell's, hospital bills.

I even took a full week off work to come back and help.

Julius showed up symbolically every day, and somehow it became him who was doing all the work.

That day, I stood in the freezing wind outside the station for two full hours before I managed to get a cab, tears silently streaming down my cheeks.

Ever since Julius came into the picture, this had become routine.

Every time I voiced dissatisfaction, Sophie would scold me. She'd say I worked out of town and couldn't accompany them. She'd tell me that Julius was always there for them.

She made it sound like I was jealous and insecure.

Looking at it now, maybe an outsider like me really had been too petty.

Sophie shifted uncomfortably under my stare and cleared her throat.

"You said all those things just now just because you wanted more attention from us, right? You're hardly home. Julius is the one keeping us company. Yet all you do is throw tantrums over your jealousy."

She let out a sigh before adding, "You weren't like this before.

"Enough. You've made your scene. It's New Year's. Don't ruin everyone's mood. And don't ever act like that again. It makes you look uncultured. Go help Mom in the kitchen."

I glanced toward the living room. The whole family was sitting comfortably on the couch, eating fruit. My mother-in-law, Margaret Jackson, was the only one in the kitchen.

I couldn't help remembering how my in-laws used to treat me like their own son. Everything revolved around me.

Even when they were sick, they'd wake up early in winter just to make me breakfast.

Whenever I came home, Sophie would drop even the most important work and wait for me at the station.

I'd tell them I was a grown man and could get home on my own, but they never listened.