My Seven Ex's

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, my back pressed to the cool wood as if it could hold me up. The kiss replayed in my mind without my permission, his lips, the way my body froze before it responded. The silence that followed, I lifted my fingers to my mouth, half expecting the warmth to still be there, and it was or maybe my mind just wouldn’t let it go.

I didn’t sleep that night, San Francisco hummed outside my window, but my world had narrowed to one moment at my gate and a boy who kissed me as if he meant it, then walked away as if it meant nothing.

Why did he pull back? Why did he leave? I lay awake until dawn, my chest tight and my mind louder than the city. By morning, the kiss had settled into my skin I saw it in the mirror while brushing my teeth not on my lips but on my cheeks, a soft redness that hadn’t been there before, as if my body was still reacting long after my brain tried to act normal. I tried to hide it with powder, but failed, Ava noticed immediately.

She leaned across her desk during the lecture, narrowing her eyes as she studied my face like it was a crime scene. “Why are you glowing?” she whispered.

“I’m not.”

“You are,” she said, “and your cheek is red.”

I avoided her gaze, “maybe I’m sick.”

She smiled slowly, “or maybe someone kissed you.”

I said nothing, Ava’s smile widened.

“Oh,” she breathed, “it happened.”

“Stop,” I muttered, staring straight ahead as the lecturer droned on about things I wasn’t hearing, “You’re imagining things.”

She leaned closer, “tell me everything, after class.”

She tapped her pen against her notebook as if counting down. The lecture had finally ended, and students poured out, talking over each other, backpacks slung low, laughter bouncing off glass walls. I stepped outside with Ava beside me, the air was crisp, and the afternoon light bounced off the buildings and passing cars.

“So?” she pressed

I exhaled, “he walked me home.”

And?

“And he kissed me.”

Ava stopped walking, and grabbed my shoulders and squealed, loud enough for people to turn.

“You didn’t!”

Keep your voice down, I hissed, laughing despite myself.

She pulled back, her eyes shining, “I knew it, so how was it?”

I hesitated, “different.”

“Different how? she asked

Like… I forgot where I was, Ava studied my face, then nodded as if she’d just confirmed a theory, and that’s dangerous.”

Why do you always say that?”

“Because I’m usually right, she said.

We walked in silence for a moment, then my phone vibrated, and I stopped, a message lit up the screen.

Elio: Can we meet?

My heart jumped so hard it hurt, Ava peeked at my phone without shame, “that’s him.”

“Yes”

She grinned, “reply.”

“I don’t know....

She snatched the phone from my hand, and say “don’t overthink it.”

Before I could stop her, she typed "Yes."

She handed the phone back like she’d just done me a favor.

“You’re impossible,” I said.

“You’re welcome.”

We met that evening at a coffee shop downtown, one of those modern places with tall windows, warm lights, and the smell of roasted beans thick in the air. The city moved outside like a living backdrop people passing, conversations overlapping, life continuing.

Elio was already there when I arrived, he stood up when he saw me, and that alone made my chest tight.

“You came,” he said.

“You asked.”

He smiled, that quiet one again, and gestured for me to sit, we talked about school and music, and about nothing and everything.

It felt too easy.

Then he leaned forward slightly, his tone shifting.

“I want to take you out,” he said.

Just like that and my breath caught.

“Like… a date?

“Yes.”

I stared at my coffee, suddenly aware of how new this felt, and how real.

“I’ve never” I stopped myself, “i need to think.”

He nodded, calm as ever, “take your time, no pressure, and that scared me more than if he’d pushed.

Monday morning felt heavier than usual, i told Ava everything the moment we sat down.

“He asked me out,” I said.

She gasped dramatically, “finally.”

“I told him I needed time.”

She tilted her head, “why?”

“Because I’ve never done this before.”

She softened, “Vanya… Elio’s cool, and he’s not reckless, not loud, people say good things about him.”

“People say things about everyone, I said.

She shrugged, “still, he's has good character.”

I looked out the window, watching fog drift past the buildings, and “what if I mess it up?”

Ava squeezed my hand, “You won’t.”

I said yes that evening, and the word felt small, but it changed everything.

Love, if that’s what it was, with gently at first then I will chose love again and again.

Chocolate slipped into my bag between classes, Ice cream shared on quiet streets, snacks bought just because he remembered what I liked.

Hugs that lingered, and kisses that felt warmer each time, messages that made my phone light up and my heart follow.

He didn’t rush me, or overwhelm me, he just stayed, and I fell for it slowly,quietly or maybe completely.

But somewhere between sweetness and comfort, a question began to form that made me think.

Why did he always pull away first?

Why did he never let things go too far?

I pushed the thought aside, because love was good and kind to me, so I believed it.

One night, my phone buzzed again, another message from Elio but this one felt different and shorter.

"We need to talk."

My chest tightened, and i stared at the screen, the city lights blurring through my window, because something in my gut whispered.

This wasn’t about love.