Losing Me, Memory by Memory

My husband, Fabian Hunt, is a neurologist.

To spend the rest of his life with his colleague, Yelena Walker, he's been working day and night in the lab for the last three months. Finally, he succeeds in developing an experimental drug that can erase memories.

I happen to see his tablet one day. He forgets to log out of his account, so I go through his chat history.

Yelena: "Fabe, when can we finally be together without hiding?"

Fabian: "Darling, just wait a little longer. Once I switch Anya's vitamin pills for the experimental drug, she'll lose her memory. After that, she'll ask for a divorce herself, and I won't have to take any blame."

In an instant, I feel a chill run down my spine. So, he's willing to erase my memories of our time together just to get me to leave him.

Since that's the case, I'll give the adulterous pair what they want.

But when I start to forget one anniversary after another, Fabian asks me in a panic, "Anya, how can you forget everything about me?"

I stared blankly at the chat history on the tablet. A tingling numbness crept over my scalp, and I couldn't help but tremble all over as I read the lines over and over again. I still couldn't believe it was real.

Yelena: "Fabe, I can't wait any longer. I want to be with you out in the open. I don't want to keep sneaking around like this."

Fabian: "Darling, just give me a little more time. As long as she takes the medicine for a few months, she'll start to lose her memories from the past seven years. I'll coax her into divorcing me then."

After that were messages filled with their filthy flirting.

So, all the things he never said to me in the past year, he said them all to his female colleague, Yelena.

I forced down the hurt as I scrolled further back. I discovered they had been together in the lab almost day and night for the past few months.

During the day, they worked on developing an experimental drug. At night, they slept in each other's arms.

Bits and pieces of the past kept flashing in my mind. Many of my past suspicions were proven true.

It wasn't a surprise that he had gotten busier and busier at the lab. He had been coming home increasingly later too. And when he did come back, he'd sit in the bathroom with his phone for a long time. If I happened to hear him talking in there, he would lie and say that it was a colleague from the lab.

We spent seven years sharing the same bed. In the end, we became like strangers who were bitter and resentful toward each other.

He could've been honest with me if he wanted to leave this marriage. I wouldn't have clung to him.

But he wanted to throw me away like a burden without being the bad guy. He was even willing to wipe my memories before finally letting me go.

There was a throbbing pain in my chest as I tightened my grip on the tablet. Its cold outer shell dug painfully into my palm.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps from behind me.

"What are you looking at?" Fabian asked. He had come out of the shower and looked tense when he saw me gripping the tablet. It must have occurred to him that he might have forgotten to log out of his WhatsApp account.

I quickly composed myself and turned to look at him as if nothing was wrong.

"Nothing. My phone's dead, so I used your tablet to check the weather," I lied.

He snatched the tablet from my hands anxiously, his expression somewhat sour. When he saw the account had already been logged out, he finally relaxed, convinced that I knew nothing.

His gaze was gentle as he said, "You're not well. Don't go out if you don't have to. Just stay home and rest."

Before leaving, he reminded me, "By the way, our lab just developed a new multivitamin. It works wonders for the immune system. I'll bring some tomorrow. Take it regularly, okay?"

I looked at the rare trace of guilt on his face.

A wave of bitterness surged within my chest, but I still answered with a quiet determination, "Okay."

…

Fabian didn't return that night. I wandered aimlessly around the house, running my hands over every piece of furniture and every wall. This place held the best seven years of our lives together.

When I first met Fabian, he was still a poor student. I was three years older than him and working at the hospital where he was interning. I noticed he was calm and steady, unlike other men who were so showy.