Hope Mired in Regret

My rented room was only five blocks from an organ donation center.

It was a distance that I was well acquainted with.

If I were quick enough, I could haul myself over quickly. My kidney would still be warm when it was transplanted into Rachelle’s body.

A piercing ache suddenly lanced through my tummy. It felt like a knife had punctured through it.

It hurt so much that I rolled off my bed and landed on the floor. My forehead was covered in sweat.

There were painkillers in my drawer, but I could not take them.

Most painkillers damaged the kidneys, and I could not give Rachelle a damaged kidney.

“Come on, Ryleigh. Just smile and bear it. It’ll be over soon.”

I bit the corner of my blanket and curled up into a ball in the dark.

The screen of my phone suddenly lit up with a notification.

Rachelle had posted a photo on social media.

It was a picture of her arm taken during dialysis. Her skin was marred with needle scars.

The caption read:

[Blood may be thicker than water, but it’s not stronger than some people’s ruthlessness. I don’t want to be an older sister again in my next life.]

Tears fell from my eyes. They streamed down my face and mixed with my snot.

‘I’m sorry, Rachelle. Let me be the older sister in our next lives,’ I thought.

By the third day in the underground room, I had lost track of whether it was day or night.

There were more and more bruises on my body. I looked like I had been beaten up.

I knew that the bruises were a sign that my platelets were not functioning.

I took out some foundation and layered it onto my arms. It took nearly the whole bottle of foundation to cover up the startling purple bruises.

There was a flurry of knocks at the door.

“I know you’re in there, Ryleigh! Open the door!” It was Dad’s voice. He sounded angry enough to kill.

My heart skipped a beat.

How had they found me here?

In a panic, I scrambled up from the floor. Since I moved so suddenly, my vision went dark for a few seconds.

I leaned against the wall and threw all the bloodied tissues in the trash and tied up the bag. Then, I patted more foundation and powder on my face.

Only when I managed to look a bit less pale and not like a walking corpse did I go to open the door.

I opened the door only a slit when a big, rough hand reached in and grabbed me by the collar.

Then, I felt a slap on my cheek.

I stumbled backward and bumped into the small table behind me.

Dad stood at the door. His expression was thunderous.

Jonah stood behind him with a face full of disappointment and distaste.

“You wretch! Rachelle’s in the emergency room at the hospital right now, but you’re hiding out here?” Dad scolded me with one finger pointed right at me. Spittle landed on my face.

I licked the blood at the corner of my lips and forced myself upright.

I could not collapse. I could not do that just yet.

“If you want me to stop hiding, then pay me.” I extended a hand out to Jonah. “I want 500 thousand dollars and nothing less. As long as you pay me, I’ll go to the hospital right now for the transplant.”

As he looked at my hand, Jonah slowly narrowed his eyes.

He had held my hand countless times, but he looked at it in disgust this time.

“When did you become this way, Ryleigh?” Jonah’s voice was hoarse and questioning. “Where’s the Ryleigh I knew? She would’ve gone hungry for two days just to save a stray cat.”

“People change, Jonah.” I scoffed. Then, I turned around so that I would not have to look at him anymore.

“Helping a stray cat doesn’t require surgery. We’re talking about a kidney here, Jonah. I want to get married and have kids. What if people don’t want me if I’m down a kidney? Is it so wrong that I’m asking for a little bit of compensation?”

Dad was so angry that he trembled. He raised his arm, looking ready to slap me again.

Jonah stopped him.

“Don’t hit her.” Jonah looked at me. His gaze was as cold as ice. “It would just be a waste of effort.”

Jonah took an envelope from his bag and flung it viciously in my face.

The edge of the envelope hit me in the eye. I felt a sting of pain.

“There’s 100 thousand dollars here. It’s the money I saved to get married. We’re done after this, Ryleigh. You’re not worthy of being Rachelle’s sister or of being my wife.”

The thick stack of money landed on the floor.

I leaned down and picked it up. I blew the dust off the banknotes.

“Only 100 thousand dollars? You’re really poor.” I pursed my lips in distaste. “Alright, I’ll take this money since we used to be together. But you can forget about me donating my kidney.”

“How dare you?!” Dad picked up a broom outside the door and lunged at me.

But I slammed the door closed and put the wooden door between me and his curses.