Go Ahead and Jump, Mom

Mom continued screaming, "You're going to stop caring about me too! I'm your mother! You're just the same as that damn father of yours! You just want to abandon me!"

She then collapsed onto the floor, pounding her fist against it, crying and screaming her heart out.

This scene had happened countless times in my past life.

Every time I resisted her, even a little, she would throw a huge tantrum and lament how hard her life had been and how ungrateful and disrespectful I was to her.

I used to believe that I was really in the wrong and that I had let her down, right up until I finally threw myself off the building in my previous life.

"Mom," I said, interrupting her tirade. "I never said that I was going to stop caring about you."

She looked up at me, teary-eyed, grasping onto the last sliver of hope.

"Then withdraw your applications and reapply to a local college! You still have three days to cancel them!

"Just apply to a local teacher's college here and become a teacher after your graduation. Don't you see how stable that job is? And I'll always be able to see you often—"

"I'm not changing anything," I said, my voice calm but firm. "Don't even think about interfering with my college applications."

She froze, clearly not expecting me to refuse her so directly.

I picked up my laptop, walked around her slumped body on the floor, and went into my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

She continued to cry and wail outside.

Soon after, I heard her on the phone. She called up every single relative of hers and sobbed uncontrollably to them, telling them how much trouble I was causing her and how hard her life had been because of me.

I couldn't be bothered to listen to her. I just went into the laptop settings and changed my simple birthday password into a complex string of uppercase and lowercase letters and symbols instead.

Then, I leaned back against the headboard, touching the cold laptop case as I silently vowed that I was never going to compromise for anyone in this life anymore.

…

I slept very soundly. However, I was plagued by nightmares. It must have been because of the trauma and PTSD from jumping off the building in my previous life.

My nightmares were filled with fragments of my previous life.

I recalled how my fingers were cracking from the cold while filling up a car at the gas station in winter, how my drunk husband slapped me in the face again and again at home, and how Mom continued yelling at me at my in-laws' house, saying that it wasn't a big deal that my husband slapped me and that I should just get over it.

I woke up with a start, my forehead covered in cold sweat.

The bedroom light was off, and only the faint glow of the laptop screen illuminated the room.

I thought I heard the soft tapping of keys. Someone was sitting at my desk, trying to unlock my laptop.

When they heard that I was awake, the bedroom light was suddenly turned on, blinding me. Before I could react, however, Mom grabbed the laptop and flung it angrily onto my bed.

She was furious at being defied, pointing at me and screaming, "You changed the password, didn't you? What is that supposed to mean? You're treating me like some thief in the night now?"

A surge of anger welled up inside me, but I felt utterly powerless when I met her gaze.

I had expected this.

For the past 17 years, she could always come into my room and go as she wished. She could log into my phone and check it whenever she wanted. I was also obligated to tell her the passwords to all my devices, all the time.

I sat up in bed and pulled the laptop toward me, saying calmly, "I said that I'll make my own decision about my college applications. This is my laptop. You have no right to look through it."

"I am your mother! What right do you have to hide things from me!"

Her face was as red as a tomato, and her voice was sharp and shrill.

"Would I ever try to harm you? I just want to see which college you applied to! I'm doing this all for your own good!

"What's the point of a young woman going to study at a college so far away from home? Just enroll in a local college! I'll get you a stable and cushy job once you've graduated, and find you a good husband after that so you can settle down. Isn't that better than you drifting around in the wild?"

I had heard those words my entire life. Those were also the exact words that had dragged me right into hell in my previous life.

"Enough!"

My voice wasn't loud, but it stopped her abruptly.

I then walked to the desk and picked up the penknife that was on it. I didn't point it at her. I just held it in my hand.

The cold handle pressed against the center of my palm.

"You said that I was pushing you to your death if I didn't apply to a local college. But did you ever think about me?"