Finally Receiving a Mother's Love, After Becoming Ashes

September 27, 2013

Mom did not lock Jenny’s room today, and I finally had the chance to go inside.

Jenny’s room, like mine, was decorated in pink.

Everything was neat. There was not a speck of dust on the desk.

In the corner, there was a beautiful ballet dress hanging on a mannequin.

The widest wall was covered with certificates and awards.

Several trophies of all sizes were on the desk, stacked with piles of honor certificates.

Jenny was amazing. She had so many accolades, while I never received anything like that.

There were also many framed photos on the desk, carefully arranged.

Some were of Jenny, some with her and Mom, some with her and Dad, and some with all three of them together.

They were all smiling brightly. They had never smiled at me that way.

I did not have any solo photos or family pictures like that.

Just as I was lost in thought, Mom suddenly came back.

She saw me in Jenny’s room.

…

She stormed into the room, her voice raw with fury as she shouted at me.

“Who allowed you to come into Jenny’s room?! I’ve never allowed you to go in there! You’re not worthy of being in Jenny’s room! You saw it all, right? Look at how amazing she was. All those certificates, trophies, and honors! She’s the pride of my life, my treasure, a gift from heaven! And you... you’re nothing but trash! A disgrace! I should never have had you! You’ll never be as good as your sister!”

I clung to Mom, crying as I begged her.

“I know I shouldn’t have gone into Jenny’s room, but I just wanted a little bit of your love, Mom! All you ever see is Jenny. Don’t you see how hard I’ve tried just for a little bit of affection from you? Because of her, I’m stuck wearing pink, even though I like blue. I tried to be just like her in everything, but none of that matters. It’s just so hard to get even a tiny bit of love from you. Mom, I’m your child too. Can’t you love me just a little?”

By the time I finished speaking, I was crying so hard I could hardly breathe.

Mom only shrugged off my arms. Her eyes were cold and hard as she looked at me and said, “Jenny is my only daughter. My love will always be for her, and not a single bit of it will go to anyone else, even if she’s gone. The fact that you’re still alive, living in Jenny’s shadow, enjoying what belongs to her... you should be grateful. If I’d known you’d turn out like this, I might as well have strangled you when you were born.”

…

Mom cut off my allowance, and when I asked her for it, she just sneered and said, “Aren’t you all grown up now, thinking you can do everything on your own? Since you’re so full of yourself, go earn your own living. I won’t give you a single cent!”

Dad did not say anything, either. He just let it happen.

For the next week, I had to watch my classmates have lunch while the delicious smell of food filled the air. My stomach would growl so loud it caught people’s attention, and all I could do was awkwardly tell them that I was not hungry.

Another lunch came, and I fainted from hunger.

Dad was called to the office because Mom refused to show up.

He was furious, mostly because he was embarrassed.

A university professor had to go to the school office because his child fainted from hunger.

When Dad came home, he started lecturing Mom with his usual air of superiority. However, Mom quickly shot back, telling him not to blame her since he was there too. He was pissed off and reacted like a cat whose tail had just been stepped on, all flustered and defensive. The two of them had a huge argument, shouting back and forth. From then on, I never had to worry about my allowance being cut again.

After reading all that, Mom still did not think she had done anything wrong. She defended herself, “I’m just trying to teach her a lesson. She needs to know who’s in charge around here. No rules, no order! Let’s see if she ever dares to step into Jenny’s room again! And so what if she missed a few meals? She won’t die from it. Everyone’s gone through that, right? Who’s ever died from hunger? Let her feel what it’s like, so she learns a lesson!”