Dual flames

Now I'm  sixteen, I have perfected the art of watching without being watched.

I knew exactly how to angle my body on the deck chair so that my sunglasses hid where my eyes were pointed. I knew the rhythm of Daniel's mornings-how he'd emerge from the house at seven sharp with his board, stretch on the sand for exactly four minutes, then paddle out before the crowds arrived. I knew the way his laugh carried farther when he was with his surf friends, louder and sharper than the one he used with family.

And I knew, with a certainty that made my chest ache, that he still didn't see me. Not really.

Not the way I saw him.

This summer, the beach house felt smaller somehow, even though nothing had changed. The same creaky stairs, the same sailboat wallpaper peeling at the corners, the same bunk beds where Simon and I had shared a room since we were kids. But I'm sixteen now-taller, curvier, with sun-bleached highlights in my hair and a bikini I'd bought in secret because it made me feel brave. Mom had raised an eyebrow when I wore it the first day, but she didn't say anything. Just exchanged a look with Mrs. Williams that I pretended not to notice.

Daniel noticed, though.

Or at least, I thought he did.

He'd glance my way sometimes-quick flickers when I walked down to the water or when I laughed at something Simon said. But then his attention would slide away again, back to his phone or his friends or the horizon, like I was just another part of the scenery.

Simon noticed everything.

He always had.

 He's now seventeen-lanky but filling out, with shoulders that had broadened from swimming and a jaw that had lost its boyish softness. His hair was longer, curling at the nape of his neck, and he'd started wearing these wire-rimmed glasses when he read, which made him look older in a quiet, unexpected way.

He still treated me like his best friend. Maybe even more than before.

We spent hours together that summer, the way we always had. Building elaborate sandcastles with moats deep enough to trap the tide. Racing each other into the waves until our lungs burned. Lying on our backs in the shallow water at dusk, letting the current rock us while we talked about everything and nothing.

I told him things I didn't tell anyone else.

About how I was scared of starting junior year-how the popular girls at school intimidated me with their perfect hair and confident laughs. About the college brochures Mom kept leaving on my desk, even though I hadn't decided what I wanted to study. About the way art class made me feel like I could breathe, like the world made sense when I had charcoal under my fingernails.

And, eventually, about boys.

Not Daniel. Never Daniel.

But the others-the ones who asked me to dances or texted me after school or left notes in my locker. The ones who made my stomach flutter in a small, safe way that never quite measured up to the wildfire Daniel ignited with a single glance.

Simon listened to all of it.

He always listened.

It's already a week into the vacation, we stayed up later than usual. The adults had gone to bed early after too much wine, and Daniel was out with his surf crew at some bonfire down the beach. Simon and I sat on the deck with a stolen bowl of popcorn, our feet dangling over the edge, the ocean a black void below us.

I was telling him about Jake-from my art class. How he'd asked me to the spring formal and how I'd said yes because he was sweet, even if we are just friends and drew almost as well as I did

Simon nodded, tossing popcorn into his mouth. "He's a good guy," he said. "Treats you right?"

"Yeah. He's... nice."

Simon went quiet for a minute. Then: "Nice is important."

I laughed. "You sound like my mom."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Just saying. You deserve someone who sees how awesome you are, Lis. Someone who doesn't make you feel like you have to prove anything."

I bumped his shoulder with mine. "You're sweet."

He looked away, toward the dark water. "Yeah. Sweet."

The word hung between us, heavier than I intended. His hands tightened on the deck railing and he quickly change the subject.

The next day, Daniel came back from surfing earlier than usual. I was sketching on the patio-trying to capture the way the morning light hit the waves-when he dropped onto the chair beside me, still dripping.

"Whatcha working on?" he asked, leaning over without waiting for permission.

I tilted the sketchbook away instinctively. "Nothing. Just messing around."

"Come on. Let me see."

I hesitated, then turned it toward him. It was a study of the shoreline, all soft curves and sharp shadows.

He studied it longer than I expected. "You're really good, Lisa."

My name in his mouth still did things to me. Dangerous things.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

He leaned back, stretching his arms along the back of the chair. His fingers brushed my shoulder-barely or Accidentally.

"You coming out with us later?" he asked. "Big group heading to the pier. And trust me, there will be Music, food trucks, the usuals."

I tried to play it cool. "Maybe."

He grinned. "You should. It'll be fun."

Then he was gone, jogging inside for a shower, leaving me breathless and overanalyzing every word.

Simon appeared a minute later, towel around his neck, hair wet from his own swim.

"Was that Daniel?" he asked.

"Yeah. Inviting us to the pier thing tonight."

Simon nodded slowly. "You gonna go?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

He sat down where Daniel had been, but he didn't sprawl like his brother. He sat forward, elbows on knees, staring at the sketchbook still open in my lap.

"That's beautiful," he said quietly.

I smiled. "Thanks."

He was quiet for a long moment. Then he said, "You know you don't have to wait for him to notice you, right?"

My heart stuttered. "What?"

Simon's eyes met mine-steady, serious behind his glasses. "Daniel. You don't have to wait for him to see you. Someone else already does."

The air felt suddenly thick.

I laughed, but it came out forced. "What are you talking about?"

He opened his mouth then Closed it.

For one terrifying second, I thought he was going to say it.

Instead, he sighed Daniel's name under his breath, like a prayer or a curse-I couldn't tell which.

"Nothing," he said finally. "Forget it."

He stood up abruptly. "I'm gonna grab breakfast. You want anything?"

I shook my head, confused and unsettled.

He left me there, staring at the empty space where he'd been.

That night, I went to the pier. Daniel was surrounded by his usual crowd-loud, beautiful people who made me feel small and awkward in my sundress. He waved when he saw me, pulled me into the group with an arm around my shoulders that lasted exactly three seconds before he was distracted again.

Simon stayed close, but not too close.

He bought me a lemonade when I said I was thirsty. He stood between me and the crowd when it got too pushy near the stage. But when the band started playing a slow song and couples paired off, he disappeared.

I found him later, sitting alone on the sand beyond the lights, skipping stones into the dark water.

"You okay?" I asked, sitting beside him.

"Yeah. Just needed air."

We sat in silence for a while, listening to the muffled music from the pier.

Finally, I nudged him. "You were weird today."

He huffed a laugh. "Was I?"

"That thing you said,  about someone already seeing me."

He went very still.

Then he picked up another stone, turned it over in his fingers.

"I just meant..." He trailed off. Threw the stone. It skipped four times before sinking. "You're worth more than waiting around for someone who might never look up."

I swallowed. "You think Daniel doesn't see me?"

Simon didn't answer right away.

When he did, his voice was soft. Too soft.

"I think he sees exactly what he wants to see. And I think you deserve someone better."

My heart pounded.

I wanted to ask what he meant.

But then Daniel's voice cut through the dark-"Lis! You down there?"-and the moment shattered.

Simon stood first, offering me his hand to pull me up.

His palm was warm. Steady.

I took it.

But when Daniel jogged over, grinning and carefree, I let go.

Simon's hand fell to his side.

Daniel didn't seem to notice the tension. He just slung an arm around my shoulders and steered me back toward the lights. "Come on, you're missing the good songs."

Behind us, Simon followed at a distance.

We went back to the pier, The band had shifted to slower music-old songs everyone knew the words to. Couples swayed together in the sand, shadows dancing in the firelight.

Daniel handed me a drink-something sweet and fizzy-and pulled me closer to him. 

"Dance with me," he said. It wasn't a question.

My heart slammed against my ribs.

I let him lead me into the small crowd. His hands settled on my waist, light but sure. Mine went to his shoulders, careful, like I was afraid he'd vanish if I held on too tight.

We moved slowly, not really dancing so much as swaying. The fire crackled beside us. The ocean roared in the background. Everyone else faded away.

"You look different tonight," he said, voice low.

"Good different?"

He smiled-that slow, dangerous smile that undid me every time. "Very good."

I couldn't breathe.

His thumb traced a small circle on my hip. Once. Twice.

Then he leaned down and kissed me. I thought my heart would explode.

The kiss was soft at first-barely there, like he was testing. When I didn't pull away, he deepened it, one hand sliding up to cup my jaw. He tasted like salt and whatever was in that drink, and I melted into him like I'd been waiting my whole life for this exact moment.

When he pulled back, his forehead rested against mine.

"Been wanting to do that for a while," he murmured.

I couldn't speak. Couldn't think.

All I could do was smile like an idiot.

He kissed me again, quicker this time, then tugged me back toward the group, his arm still around me like it belonged there.

I didn't see Simon watching from the edge of the firelight.

Didn't see the way his face went blank.

Didn't see him turn and walk away down the dark beach, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

All I saw was Daniel.

All I felt was the ghost of his mouth on mine.

After the whole party, I went back to my room and I couldn't stop thinking about what just happened. I laid in the bottom bunk replaying the kiss over and over until my lips tingled, I told myself it was everything I'd ever wanted. 

I can't believe Daniel finally noticed me...