Divorce, Baby, and a Whole New Me

After returning, I focused my mind and put all my energy into my studies.

The graduate exams were coming up in late December, and time was tight. I had to get back to reviewing.

The decision to pursue my master’s degree was made during the time I agreed to the divorce. I had majored in a dead-end field in college. After graduation, I found a desk job at a company. But not long after, I got pregnant.

I could say that I had lived the first half of my life in confusion—without any plan for my future or career, everything was spent working for others.

Now, having ended up like this, it would be a lie to say I didn’t regret it.

At this point, the quickest way I could think of to change my situation was to return to school.

I chose one of the top-tier universities in the country, a prestigious teacher training institution. Becoming a teacher had been my childhood dream, but due to my failure in the college entrance exam and my lack of focus on studying at the time, I chose a nearby second-tier school and spent four years there without much thought.

In the past, I had no ambition for my academic or professional life. But now, if I’m going to take the exam, I want to aim for the best. No more aimless wandering—I’m going to restart my life!

When you focus entirely on one thing, time flies by. Before I knew it, it was December 21st, a Saturday. I went to take the national graduate entrance exam. I remember it snowed heavily that day, and just standing outside the lecture building for a short while was enough to turn my hair white from the cold.

The exam questions were difficult. My foundation was weak, and I had very little time to prepare. There were many questions I had seen in the books, but I just couldn’t answer them.

When the exam ended, I knew I hadn’t done well. But I didn’t overly blame myself. I had only truly gotten into the right mindset around October, and the preparation time was far too short. I considered it a trial run—next year, I’ll do better.

After the exam, I took a few days to relax, enjoying the beach, hiking, and indulging in local food before finally returning to my hometown.

I hadn’t called my parents in advance. When I arrived, they were in the kitchen cooking, and they were shocked to see me.

They stood up to greet me and, looking behind me, asked why Ethan and Clara hadn’t come with me.

Seeing my family completely broke the tough facade I had been maintaining for the past few days, and tears welled up in my eyes.

They anxiously asked what was wrong. I shook my head, and all the emotions I had held back poured out in a single sentence, “I just missed you.”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell them I had gotten a divorce, or that I hadn’t brought the child with me.

My parents are honest, hardworking farmers who’ve never had a serious argument with anyone. They always try to avoid conflict. I was afraid that telling them would make them uncomfortable.

Moreover, in our rural area, a divorced woman brings shame to her family. Everyone knew I had married into the big city, and after only a few years, I was already a discarded wife. Who knows what kind of gossip would spread around the village?

I made up an excuse that the child had to attend a training class, and that Ethan was busy at the store. I managed to dodge the topic.