Died to Be Loved

Ever since I can remember, I was Nina's blood bank.

Nina was like a glass princess. One sneeze and she could break. She needed blood all the time just to stay okay.

Mom had her tubes untied just to have me to save Nina.

My arms were always full of needle marks.

Mom and Dad looked at me like they felt bad. "Chloe, you're a good girl. Nina's sick. She doesn't mean it when she gets mad. Be patient with her."

I made myself smile. "I know. You can take more. I'm not scared."

They turned away and cried.

I thought if I stayed good and didn't complain, they'd love me someday.

Then I won first place in a painting contest.

Nina ripped the bandage off her hand and started crying. "Why are you showing off? Why am I the sick one? I hate you!"

Mom shoved me to the ground. "Your sister can't even go to school. What are you bragging about some dumb paper for? How can you be this mean? Why couldn't you be the sick one?"

Dad carried Nina out. He didn't look at me.

I ran after the car all the way to the hospital. I only heard the doctor say, "Without a full blood replacement, she won't make it three months."

I looked at my arm.

'Nina, please don't hate me anymore. If I give you my life, will that be enough?'

I pushed the hospital door open a little. A cup flew right at my face.

Mom's eyes were red. "Who told you to come? Get out! Haven't you hurt Nina enough? Do you have to see her die?"

The cup hit my nose and broke on the floor.

Everything went black for a second. Blood kept running out of my nose.

I wiped it with my sleeve. "I'm sorry, Nina. I just wanted to see you."

Nina's voice sounded all choked. "See me? See how miserable I am? See me die? Get out! You're not my sister! I hate you!"

She threw a pillow at me.

Then she started coughing really hard.

"Enough!" Dad said.

He grabbed my arm and dragged me out.

He pushed me into a plastic chair and lifted my chin.

Blood ran into my throat. It tasted gross, like metal. I felt like I was gonna throw up.

He patted my back. "Spit it out. Hurry."

I shook my head. "I can't. The blood's for Nina. We can't waste it."

He looked at me, then sighed.

He got some cotton and medicine and cleaned my cut. "Chloe, don't blame Mom or Nina. She's only ten. Her bones break so easy. Even a small bump hurts all night. Seeing her like that hurts your mom the most. She didn't mean to hit you."

I picked at the tear in my pants. I got it when I fell running too fast.

"I know, Dad. I'll be good. I won't make Nina mad."

His hand stopped, then he rubbed my hair. "Sit here for a bit. Go back in when she calms down."

I sat there quiet and watched Mom and Dad hold Nina, all gentle and careful.

I rubbed my eyes and pretended I didn't see.

I waited until I fell asleep. Then the door opened.

Nina was yelling she wanted to go home. "I don't wanna stay here! It smells weird. I feel sick!"

Mom kept saying, "Okay, okay. We're going home. Right now."

Dad came out and stopped when he saw me still there. "Chloe, let's go."

I jumped up.

But I sat too long. My legs gave out, and I fell to my knees.

No one saw. I stood up by myself.

***

Dad pulled the car around.

They carried Nina to the back, stacking soft blankets and pillows under her. That was her spot. Nothing could touch her bones.

Mom got in the front.

Dad glanced at me, then at Mom. "Why don't you hold Chloe up here?"

Mom frowned. "Are you crazy? What if someone snaps a pic? Who's paying the fine?"

I ran to the back and grabbed the trunk. "It's okay! I got a spot!"

The trunk was packed with Nina's medical stuff.

I curled up inside and smiled at Dad. "It's good here. Really."

He sighed. "If you feel sick, call me."

Nina snapped from the back, "Hurry! I wanna lie in my own bed!"

The car started.

Every turn and bump threw me around like trash. A medicine box smacked my nose. Tears slipped out.

I hugged myself tight. 'Chloe, you're in kindergarten now. Be brave. Don't cry.'