DealWithMr.Rafael

“Ella.”

She stopped walking when she heard the voice of their barangay captain calling her. She wanted to leave immediately, but it seemed like their captain wanted to stop her. She was about to go home, thinking maybe the captain didn’t wait for her and already found someone else.

Wow, so talented, she whispered to herself.

Well, all men are like that. Yes, she was generalizing. Men who don’t know how to keep promises, but keep making promises anyway. Why was it so easy for men to promise things? It sounds like they were just buying candies at the school canteen. The problem is, she keeps believing them. She’s always believing them. You’d think she would’ve learned by now.

How many men had promised her things they never kept? How many times had she believed them? How many times she hopes but nothing gets in return? Kenneth?

No, not just Kenneth. There were others too, names she didn’t even want to say or think about. Memories she didn’t want to remember anymore. Because she knows she is going to hurt.

But why hadn’t she gotten used to it? Why did it still hurt? Men’s mouths were like faucets, they let promises flow out so easily, as if the words meant nothing. As if once the promise was made, there was no reason to go back and keep it.

Maybe men thought it was like ordering something online and never paying for it. Amazing, really. Amazing at lying. Acting as if nobody would get hurt.

After she stopped walking, she counted to three before turning around to their captain. She didn’t want to hear the word sorry. She didn’t want someone apologizing for breaking another promise.

Was it really so hard to keep a promise? Was it that hard to make promises come true? Was it that hard not to hurt someone? Why do they always promise but never try to do what they say?

When she turned, the captain was fixing his glasses and smiling at her. His shirt was wrinkled like it had never met an iron. And he still had the nerve to smile. As if he didn’t break anything today. But for her, no matter how wide the smile, if you don’t keep your word, it’s fake.

“You came. Does this mean you’re saying yes?” he asked with a smile.

Wow. The air really changed. He was acting like he hadn’t just accepted another applicant earlier.

“Yes, Cap.” She held herself back from making a rude comment. Maybe she was just misunderstanding.

He scratched his head before looking back at her.

Here it comes, this must be the part where he says sorry. She braced herself, almost wanting to cover her ears.

“Someone applied earlier, before you came. I thought you weren’t going to show up.” He checked his watch.

So she was right. Why did she even think she might be wrong? It was obvious. Who was she kidding? She’d already been fooled, and now she was fooling herself.

“It was already nine o’clock,” he went on. “I really thought you weren’t coming. But it’s fine with me if there are two of you. That’s even better, so the work won’t be too heavy. After all, you’ll be handling kids. You know how playful kids can be. But just know the salary will be smaller than what I told you yesterday.

“I think the young man I spoke with earlier will agree. He seems like a good one, he’ll understand.” He smiled. “So? Do you agree? I’ll call him right now. He looked really interested in the job.”

Oh, so that’s your hint, Captain? Are you saying I’m the one who’s not interested? she muttered to herself.

Well, maybe that was true.

It shouldn’t be a problem if she had a partner. It shouldn’t matter if that partner was a man. Right?

She swallowed. But for some reason, she felt uneasy. Her skin prickled like something bad was about to happen.

She was about to answer when a man walked past. His scent brushed against her nose, clean, fresh. She watched the smooth way he walked, like he was on a fashion runway. He was on the phone and hurrying out of the hall.

“That’s the man I was talking about,” the captain said, turning back to her. “So? What’s your decision?”

Are you in a rush, Captain? Can’t I at least pretend to hesitate?

But no, this wasn’t the time to play coy. She needed the money. She needed to help her mother. She really needed it.

And more than that, she needed to move on. To forget.

She looked back at the captain. “Alright, Cap. No problem.”

He gave her a smile.

Wait, that smile felt different.

~

“YES, Ma. I got accepted.”

It was the man’s voice she heard as she left the hall. He was still outside, still on the phone.

She shrugged and kept walking.

“Yes. What bread do you want, Ma?”

His voice was so sweet. She thought maybe it was a sign that she should buy bread for her mother too.

But what surprised her was, why was she only seeing this man now? Why hadn’t she known there was a guy this handsome in their barangay? Then again, she was practically a hermit. How would she know who lived there? She barely even knew her own neighbors.

For two years, she almost never left the house. Her mother worried she’d get sick from lack of sunlight. But for Ella, it was safer that way. Safer than seeing things, or people that would hurt her heart all over again. She was scared of running into the man who had once killed her heart.

Her mother always said it was impossible for her to meet Kenneth again. He was in America. She was here, in some corner of the Philippines, far from everything. Impossible, her mother said.

Ella would laugh at that, then cry. Because with Kenneth, nothing was impossible. He had played with her heart before, as if she were just a toy. He had replaced her with her best friend. With a traitor like him, nothing was impossible.

She shook her head. Her thoughts were wandering too far again. Somehow, no matter what she thought about, her pain always found a way back in.

Kenneth didn’t belong in her life anymore. Men who didn’t keep promises didn’t deserve a place in her heart. He never even thought about her anyway. He was probably living his best life now. Maybe he was rich. Maybe he was running for president in America. If liars could vote, he’d win for sure.

He wouldn’t even need to spend money. With so many liars in the world, victory was guaranteed.

She quickened her pace. Her thoughts were going nowhere good.

~

ELLA’S face was blank as she stood in front of the mirror. Two boxes lay on the floor, taken from under her cabinet. She stepped closer to the mirror stuck to their cement wall.

She wasn’t like this before. She used to smile with her eyes. But everything had changed, like a storm had passed through her life. Like one snap of the fingers had turned her whole world upside down.

She wanted the old one back. She wanted her room to feel light again. She wanted joy. She wanted her smile back. She wanted to escape the sadness.

But how?

Was it really that hard? Was it really that hard to open her heart again to happiness? Was it really that hard to laugh again?

She touched the mirror as if touching her own face, from her bright eyes down to her nose.

“I want to move on,” she said firmly, then turned toward the boxes.

They were one of the reasons she was still stuck. Inside the box were Kenneth’s gifts. One box full of photos.

She picked up one and walked outside, holding a matchbox. She was ready to burn the chains tying her to the past.

Maybe after this, she could finally move forward. Maybe after this, she could finally forget. Maybe after this, she could finally face the sunlight.

One by one, she burned the photos. In every picture, she was smiling. She never thought the man beside her in those photos would one day be the reason for her tears.

Two years. Two years was enough. She wanted to move on.

She went back inside and got the other box. This one was filled with stuffed toys. She carried them to the next street and gave them to the kids. Maybe she should’ve done this long ago.

“Thank you, Ate Ella! You’re so kind,” one child said, hugging a Pikachu doll.

Why didn’t I do this before? she whispered, touching the child’s cheek.

“You’re welcome.”