Always the Fiancée, Never the Bride

By the time I finished dealing with the guests and returned home, it was already the middle of the night.

Evan still hadn't come back.

I scrolled through one Facebook post after another, all of them mocking me.

"She's honestly pathetic. Every time, she says this is the last wedding, then a month later, she's begging us to come to the next one."

"Her expression almost made me laugh out loud. She even threatened to end things for good and acted like she didn't care. If she really had the guts to leave, she would've done it ages ago."

"Isn't her situation so sad? She's being strung along, yet she has to go on stage and perform like some clown for our amusement. Honestly, it's a miracle she hasn't taken her own life. Looks like she's got a mind of steel. "

I scrolled through each post without expression.

I had seen thousands of these insults over the last five years. Now, they barely left a scratch.

Then I saw Chloe's post.

"Five years, and you've never once left me alone."

In the photo, she was sitting in a man's arms. She winked playfully at the camera with a bright, happy smile.

I had once asked Evan about their relationship. Back then, he had flown into a rage, jabbing a finger in my face as he shouted, "How can your mind be so disgusting? We're comrades. We've been through life and death together. That's a bond forged in blood! How dare you make it sound so disgraceful!"

After hearing that same answer countless times, I stopped bothering to ask.

I washed my face, wiped away my tears, and pulled out a huge suitcase to pack my belongings.

From the corner, I picked up a pair of sheepskin boots. They were the most expensive shoes I owned, bought by Evan with his very first paycheck.

Later on, he bought me many more pairs, but the quality kept getting worse. Some of them started coming apart in less than a month.

That was why I had always treasured this pair.

On the table sat a ceramic mug. Evan had made it himself as an apology gift the first time he postponed our wedding.

Back then, his eyes had only been on me, and he had been full of guilt.

"Lily, I'd give up all my time to be with you, but I'm a soldier. Please give me one more chance, okay? Don't make me choose between the country I love most and you."

Seeing that iron-willed man break down had softened my heart.

But all the times I gave in back then had only made him and Chloe more brazen now.

When he abandoned me this time, I still couldn't bring myself to break the mug, because I was truly afraid that if I did, there would be no going back.

Before I could finish packing, Evan pushed open the bedroom door, drunk and unsteady.

I didn't bring him a glass of water, and I didn't even ask why he had gotten wasted when Chloe had supposedly been about to jump off a building.

The answer would've been either silence or some nonsensical lie.

I let out a long breath and said solemnly, "Evan, let's end this. I won't bother you again."

I thought Evan was too drunk to respond, but he answered, "Who else would take you if you left me? You gave up furthering your studies to marry me. You've spent all these years at home cooking and doing laundry. Where could you possibly go now?

"If I weren't supporting you, you wouldn't last two months on your own before starving. Lily, I'm really tired. Can you stop making a scene?

"Why can't you be a little more considerate, like Chloe? She resembles you when you were younger. She's full of life and full of dreams…"

My chest tightened.

Dreams, huh?

When Evan and I first entered the military together, my record was a hundred times more impressive than his.

However, he had said he wanted to marry me and build a happy family. He told me that the stronger I became, the more pressure he felt.

He confessed that seeing me on that awards podium time after time made him jealous. He only wanted me to stay by his side as a wife and a mother.

Seeing him in so much pain, I softened.

But after I gave up everything for Evan, he kept praising Chloe for her excellence.

He told me she was a thousand times better than I was, that a person like me didn't deserve a man like him.

I had spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, thinking back to the way Evan had begged me to give up my career and come home to him.

Now, my future was gone, and so was the man who had loved me.

He looked at my half-packed suitcase and shook his head with a laugh. "Lily, we're both adults. Stop acting like a petty little girl, okay? We both know you can't leave me."

My throat felt like sandpaper, and my eyes stung.

Even though I had accepted the fact that Evan no longer loved me, I still couldn't stop my heart from aching.

I stood before him, crying so hard that my shoulders trembled. He acted as if he hadn't seen a thing and called Chloe instead, reminding her to bundle up after being out in the cold.

I looked at the pile of things in my suitcase and felt that none of them was worth taking with me.

I sat numbly on the couch until dawn. Then, I made a call.

"This is Lillian White. I'm requesting an assignment."

The person on the other end asked for confirmation several times.

I stood up, looked toward the bedroom where Evan was still on the phone with Chloe, and answered firmly, "I regret it. I'd like to take on the classified mission. Wipe my records. I want to disappear completely."