A Soul Without Shore

Enduring both physical and emotional pain, I ran away.

I could feel tears wetting my pillow as I lay in bed.

In my dazed state, I was utterly disconnected from the present. That was, until Miles softly pushed the door open and walked in with my medication for today.

"Why are you so quiet today? Is your head still hurting? I'll get someone to check on you shortly."

He helped me up to lean against the headboard. As he did so, I stared at him, my cheeks still wet with tears.

Tears kept falling, but I refused to tell him why I was crying. So, he gently pulled me into his embrace and gave me light pats on the back. "Are you hurting somewhere? Oh, don't cry, Cassie. It's breaking my heart!"

Whenever he said such things in the past, I'd shake my head and tell him that I wasn't in pain and that he needn't worry about me. But now, I learned that he was the reason I was in so much pain.

Seeing him now, I couldn't help but recall the sight of him kissing Claudia with their bodies tightly pressed against each other, and I felt like my heart was going to shatter.

"Here, be good and take the medicine, and you won't be in any more pain."

He placed the medicine on his palm and picked up the glass of warm water he'd brought in with him. The affection in his eyes made me fall for him again. It made me feel as though he still loved me.

I stared at the pill on his palm in silence, feeling a heavy weight on my chest.

Why must he do this? All he wanted was to use me as a test subject for Claudia's experiment.

"I don't feel like taking them today," I said as I turned away, not wanting to see the pill.

Miles froze when he heard my rejection, the glass of water still in his hand. But he quickly reacted by offering me a piece of candy. "Why don't you have a candy first? Then you can take the medicine after you have the candy. Or do you want me to feed it to you, mouth-to-mouth? Are you afraid?"

Afraid? What was I afraid of?

Four years ago, I took countless medications for him, and I complied when he asked me to donate my kidney to Claudia. That wasn't something just anyone could do.

Back then, Miles had founded a research institute focused on developing medications for kidney treatment and inventing artificial kidneys. I rejected the opportunity to join my family business to devote myself entirely to the research institute.

As an internal medicine specialist who graduated from a top-notch institute, I led a team that worked tirelessly day and night to develop a new drug for kidney disease.

Following that, I learned that his stepsister, Claudia, had underdeveloped kidneys and urgently needed a transplant. So when he asked me to be a donor, I agreed for his sake.

Then, he used the experimental drug I had developed, one that hadn't even been tested yet, on me.

The pain I had to endure over and over again made me long for death. Even so, I'd make use of my spare time to record how my body reacted to the drug so that Miles could continue his research.

Eventually, the breakthrough drug was successfully launched.

I'd thought that my sacrifices had led to something meaningful, and I was proud that my work could benefit humanity.

But all the testing I underwent had taken a devastating toll on my health. When I eventually collapsed, they dumped me at a hospital, unconscious.

When I came to, I had lost my memory. I wandered a great distance before finally ending up in a small town, where I managed to find work washing dishes just to survive.

As a woman with amnesia, what I had to face wasn't just as simple as filth and hunger. I had to deal with people's blatant malice. In fact, I had almost been taken away by a man who wanted me as his wife.

As for Miles? He gave the drug I developed to Claudia, who later became known as a young medical prodigy driven to pursue medicine by the desire to save herself.

Now that I remembered everything, I was aware that he hadn't brought me back just to take care of my every need. He had only done all that to drag me through hell again.

I lowered my head and looked at the scars on my hand. I shook my head once again. "I'm not taking it."

He shifted through several expressions before settling back into a doting smile and reaching out to stroke my hair. "Be good, love. You won't be in pain anymore once you take this. You should prioritize your health."

I slowly looked up to meet his gaze and asked as calmly as I could, "Is this really to get me better, or is it to get me into the operating theater?"

His expression darkened almost immediately as he pointed a finger at me and snapped, "What nonsense are you spouting? I went through so much to find you. Of course I want you to recover! Everything I'm doing is for your own good!"

He drew a deep breath and frowned.

"Look at your hands. Had it not been for me, you'd still be washing dishes! Or worse yet, bearing children for strangers! Why are you kicking up a fuss? I don't care what you're thinking, but you're taking this pill now, and that's final! I don't want to repeat myself!"

Miles lost his cool. The procedure for the artificial kidney would take at least 12 hours. I wouldn't last that long on the operating table without the medicine, which would mean that the research would once again come to a halt.

I closed my eyes and turned away. I could feel myself on the verge of collapse.

I didn't want to be a part of such experiments anymore, and I didn't want to be used as a tool for him to please Claudia anymore either. It hurt too much.

I clamped a hand over my mouth and buried myself beneath the covers. Only a muffled voice escaped me.

"I remember everything now, Miles. I won't sacrifice myself like this again. Give it up."