Three Friends-With-Benefits Begged Me Back After My Pregnancy

But life has a way of throwing exactly what you don't want right in your face.

Noah needed to start kindergarten now that we were back, but after years in Europe, his English was all listening and no writing.

Mom found him a tutor — supposedly the son of one of her old admirers, the smartest guy in the bunch.

"He's brilliant, handsome, the whole package."

I did my full makeup. Had to make a good impression for Noah's sake.

The doorbell rang right on cue.

I opened the door.

And nearly jumped out of my skin. It was Janus.

He was wearing the same navy wool sweater from the day we'd first met, lips curved in a slight smile.

He looked genuinely surprised — or maybe he'd been expecting this all along.

"Anna. Long time no see."

Back in the days when Adam was calling my money dirty, I'd been finding comfort in another man's arms.

That man was Janus.

A university professor with wire-rimmed glasses, always in white, cool and pristine.

The day I met him, Adam and I had just had a fight.

I'd left a hickey on Adam's neck, and his roommate noticed. Adam lost it, left me on the side of the road, and said, "Anna, you have absolutely no shame."

I crouched on the curb and cried until my makeup was ruined.

I'd been the princess of my household my whole life. I'd never been treated like that.

Then a handkerchief appeared in my line of sight.

I looked up — into the softest pair of fox-like eyes I'd ever seen.

He froze, stared at my face for a few seconds as if caught off guard, then his lips curved and his slender fingers gently wiped my tears away.

Adam was right about one thing: I really had no shame.

It hadn't been long at all before I was drowning in Janus's tenderness.

I went to his lectures every day, ate cafeteria food with him.

He was gentle, restrained — the type who blushed to his ears just from holding hands. It drove me crazy.

Naturally, I showered him with designer bags and watches.

Janus turned down every single one.

Then I saw a post online:

[For the intellectual cold-type guy, give something heartfelt and handmade.]

I knitted him the ugliest scarf in existence and even embroidered a little bear on it.

I "accidentally" showed him my pricked-up fingers, squeezing out tears.

"It doesn't hurt. Not at all."

It worked like a charm.

Janus took me home, made me dinner, washed my feet, then carried me to bed.

Lips brushing lips, skin against skin — and one thing led to another.

"Anna, your eyes are so beautiful. Your fingers, too."

There was something barely perceptible in his gaze, something unhinged — nothing like the man who used to blush at holding hands.

Gentleman on one side, absolute menace on the other.

I tried to escape the bed more times than I could count, and every time, he dragged me back.

Turning a refined professor into this — I did feel a little guilty.

Until I saw the photo on his nightstand.

The girl in the picture had a familiar face.

She wore a ponytail, held a trophy, and was beaming in the sunlight like an angel.

And beside her stood a younger Janus, shy and starry-eyed, staring at her like she was everything.

My features, my hands — all identical to that girl.

So I was a stand-in.

Janus had put the photo right on his nightstand — he clearly didn't care if I knew.

He walked out of the bathroom, hair still damp, the hickeys on his neck fully exposed.

Equal parts awkward and scorching.

To change the subject, I asked casually, "Who's the girl?"

Janus shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "A girl I used to like. My junior. What your generation would call 'the one that got away.'"

I nodded, unbothered, and started getting dressed.

"Aren't you worried I'll get jealous?"

Janus stopped smiling. Kissed me once more.

"Would you?"

My answer, at the time, was of course not.