Silent Donor

Filming Log: June 2, 2024

"Julian, are you working yourself to death to pay for your mother's medical bills?"

I had a popsicle stuck in my mouth, my face full of displeasure. "You've been investigating me behind my back?"

Tara answered patiently. "You're our documentary subject. We obviously need to understand your basic situation beforehand.

"But are you sure you don't want to tell your parents about your illness?"

I shook my head firmly. "No."

"Why not?"

Tara's gaze flickered with hesitation. I opened the notes app on my phone and held it in front of her.

"4:00-7:30 am: Breakfast diner helper

"8:00-5:00 pm: Sales company

"5:30-8:00 pm: Tutoring center instructor

"8:20-9:30 pm: Private tutor

"10:00 pm-2:00 am: Delivery driver"

I swallowed the bitter feeling rising in my chest. "This is my father's schedule. He has five jobs a day, all to earn money for my mother's treatment. If he found out I was sick too, what would he do?"

Tara's eyes reddened slightly.

My voice trembled. "Those two hours of sleep he gets each day would disappear completely. If things keep going like this, he'll die."

When I mentioned Dad, I gripped the phone tighter. "My father should have been a doctor saving lives, but he gave up his dreams to support our entire family.

"Mom was diagnosed with leukemia during my senior year of high school. She didn't want to drag Dad and me down, so she snuck out in the middle of the night to drown herself in the river. Dad and I begged her through our tears until she finally gave up."

Tara's eyes glistened. "Julian..."

I waved her off and continued. "So tell me, if Mom found out I was sick too, what choice do you think she'd make?

"One cancer patient in the family is already too many. We can't have a second."

Tara patted my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I shook my head.

"The day the compatibility results came back, I was at another hospital getting diagnosed with leukemia. I was terrified Mom would find out about it, so I just ran.

"Mom thought I didn't want to save her. Not only did she not blame me, but she cried and begged me to stay. She said it was okay, that as long as I was happy, she'd be satisfied.

"All my previous checkups came back clean, but that one day changed everything. I was so close to being able to save her."

A trace of self-mockery flashed in my eyes, and my head dropped helplessly.

…

Filming Log: June 10, 2024

I rode my electric scooter frantically making deliveries, the camera following behind me the whole time. After finishing my last order, I sighed at the camera.

"I already told you I don't have time for filming."

"Julian, wait."

Tara blocked my scooter and opened her phone screen, holding it in front of me. "Look, we contacted a charitable organization. They've already raised the medical fees and donated them to your mother.

"Julian, please trust us. We genuinely want to help you. So don't give up on yourself. Come with us to the hospital for treatment, okay?"

The scene fell into silence. When I looked up again, my voice carried a mix of bitterness and gratitude.

"I'll agree to the filming. Call it payback for saving my mom."

…

Filming Log: June 11, 2024

Looking at the words "Body Donation" on the contract, I suddenly turned to the camera.

"Where will these videos be shown? I don't want my parents to see them. They can never find out, not for their entire lives."

Tara immediately cut me off. "Julian, you're not going to die. The videos will only be used as internal materials. Don't worry. They won't know."

For the first time on camera, I showed a relaxed smile. "Thank you, Tara."

…

Filming Log: July 1, 2024

I looked gaunt, my cheeks hollow, the hospital gown hanging off my frame. Looking at the camera, I struggled to sit up.

"Can I stop doing chemotherapy?"

Tara gripped my hand and shook her head firmly. "Julian, I know the chemo process is painful, but you have to believe you can beat this disease. Let's try a little harder, okay?"

The repeated high fevers and vomiting pushed me to my breaking point. That night, I lost control of my emotions, threw my food on the floor, and drove everyone away with harsh words.

Afterward, I lay in bed, my voice hoarse with guilt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

Tara sat beside me, comforting me gently. "It's okay, Julian."

My eyes dimmed, filled with pain. "I never realized how agonizing chemotherapy was. But Mom endured all of this for us the whole time.

"Tara, I don't know if the choice I'm making right now is right or wrong."