No Room for Forgiveness

Upon hearing Ava's voice, Eliott's tone softened immediately. “Ava, why are you calling me? Where's Mommy?”

Ava nervously clasped her fingers around the phone, “Mommy is sleeping. I am sick and I can’t carry Mommy to the bedroom. Can you do it, Daddy?”

Eliott fell silent for what felt like forever. It sounded like he was trying to control himself from bursting out. At last, he stated as calmly as possible, “Give Mommy the phone.”

Ava put the phone to my ear and told him, “Mommy’s here.”

Now that Ava was out of earshot, Eliott’s tone became sharp and aggressive again.

“Anne, what is the meaning of this? Are you trying to use Ava to gain my sympathy? She’s just a girl. Don’t you dare bring her into this mess! I will not be coming home for a while, so you should take the time to reflect. I’ll only come home once you realize what you have done.”

With that, he hung up and left the desolate drone of the phone buzzing in my ears. Considering how quickly he hung up on me, he must not have had the patience to listen to my explanation.

I looked at Ava, whose temperature seemed to be rising, and began to feel anxious. If only I could come back to life again. I wanted to take her pain away.

When I married Eliott, he did not tell me anything about Zelda.

I was seduced by the sweet nothings he said to me and ended up moving thousands of miles away to be with him despite my parents' objection. I had bet it all on him. I trusted that he was a good man, a sincere man.

When Zelda divorced her ex-husband and returned to him with her child, I knew I had lost the gamble. I was not someone prone to dramatics. I could handle having some turbulence in my marriage.

Over the years, I have had a fair share of arguments with Eliott, but it was usually over trivial subjects. Our life together was otherwise peaceful. There was nothing that could not be resolved with a proper conversation.

I had assumed it would be the same this time. I trusted him and gave him a chance to explain himself.

Despite his questionable behavior, I only voiced my protest with minor complaints. I told him to prioritize our family and to keep his distance from Zelda and her son.

It ended up setting him off. He accused me of being petty, jealous, and of suspecting him.

He even insulted me, “Don’t even think about comparing yourself to someone like Zelda. Don’t project your problems on others.”

Again and again, he accused me of being immature. He used hurtful terms such as jealousy and brought up old arguments. Being a hypocrite, he was the one who had forsaken the role of being a dutiful husband. He also neglected his responsibility as a father. Instead, he turned his attention to outsiders.

I brought up divorce, but he always reacted by being evasive and changing the subject again and again.

At first, I assumed it was coming out of a place of immaturity, that he was being childish, but now I understood that he wanted his cake and wanted to eat it. He wanted to have a stable family, and he also wanted a girl that he had missed out on during his younger days.

How could someone be so selfish?

I was born with a heart condition, thus my parents were wary of me moving so far away from them. When I got married, my parents wept. They gnashed their teeth and cautioned me to not regret the decision I had made. They said I was rebellious, and that they would never forgive my betrayal.

I got ahead of myself then and had chosen an irreversible path.

In the end, I lost everything.

When I looked at my daughter curled up at the head of the bed, I felt a throb in my heart.

‘My poor darling Ava. Did you know that I miss my parents too?’

I didn't even get the chance to apologize to them. Everything they warned me about came true in the end. Even in my death, I could not get their forgiveness.