My Father’s Delusions About Victory

My shoes were so worn out that my toes nearly showed through, but I still couldn’t bring myself to buy a new pair.

Instead, I brought the entire scholarship home and handed it to Ken like it was treasure.

“Dad, I got this scholarship for coming in first. Your feet always crack in the winter. Use the money to buy yourself a pair of warm leather shoes.”

Ken froze.

The hand he was using to stir the pot paused, and he tugged awkwardly at the corner of his mouth.

“Go wash your hands. I made beef stew tonight.”

It was the best beef stew I had ever eaten.

I thought maybe he would like me a little more after that.

But the next day, Victor came to class carrying a huge bag of imported chocolates and started handing them out.

“Some uncle gave me a ton of chocolates. Everyone can share them.”

My ears started ringing.

“How much did those chocolates cost?”

Victor checked the price tag. “A little over five hundred altogether. But this kind of chocolate isn’t even that good. No matter how pretty the packaging is, it still tastes cheap.”

Then he took out his phone, looking helpless.

“It was from this online uncle. He said he doesn’t have a son, and he just took a liking to me, so he buys me gifts all the time.”

I recognized the account at a glance.

It was Ken’s private account.

He followed only one person.

Victor.

On that account, Ken was unbelievably gentle and thoughtful. He commented on every single thing Victor posted. He remembered Victor’s birthday. When Victor did badly on a test, Ken comforted him softly.

And whenever Victor made even the smallest bit of progress, Ken cheered him on and bought him gifts.

Most importantly, he said he didn’t have a son.

I skipped class and ran home. Then I slammed my phone down in front of Ken and lost it.

“Did you use my scholarship money to buy Victor a gift? Why are you so good to him? Is he your real son or something?”

Ken raised his hand and slapped me hard across the face.

“I’m doing this for your own good! Victor comes from a rich family. If you suck up to him now, he’ll be a useful connection for you later!”

My hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold them still. I broke down and screamed, “That was my money! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ken glared at me and exploded.

“You little brat. Once you gave me the money, it was mine. Besides, I raised you all these years. You should be showing me some gratitude!

“Victor is good-looking and talented. He was born to deserve the best! Unlike you, walking around with that gloomy face all day. You’re nothing but bad luck!

“Everyone in your class likes Victor. You’re the only one who doesn’t even have a friend. Joe, nobody likes you. Maybe you should ask yourself why!

“Now get out. Stop standing here and annoying me!”

But he was the reason I had become so withdrawn.

His cruelty had made me feel small and ashamed, and I didn’t even know how to make friends.

I wore patched-up clothes every day. To save on the water bill, he often refused to let me shower, so I was always dirty and smelled bad. He only gave me one dollar a day for allowance.

If I wanted extra workbooks, I had to collect empty bottles and sell them for change. Because of that, my classmates called me a trash picker.

I could understand why other people didn’t like me.

But why didn’t my own father like me?

Why didn’t the only person I had in this world want me either?

After that day, my grades started to slip.

Not only was Ken not angry, he looked visibly happier.

He would snatch my report card from me and study Victor’s ranking carefully.

“Look at Victor. His math score went up three points this time. You can tell he’s been working hard lately. If I had a son like that, I’d wake up laughing from joy.”

Then he would turn around and mock me.

“Joe, you dropped from fifth in the grade to tenth? What did I tell you? You were never cut out for studying. You might as well drop out of school and find a job to support yourself.”

I crumpled the report card into a ball.

I stopped expecting Ken to love me.

All I wanted was to get into a good college and get as far away from him as possible.

In senior year, my grades shot up, and I qualified for the state physics competition.

Victor qualified too.

I held my breath and studied like my life depended on it, all for one reason.

I wanted to beat Victor.

The night before the competition, Ken did something he had never done before.

He brought a glass of warm milk into my room.

“Drink this. Get a good night’s sleep and do your best tomorrow.”

I stared at the glass of milk for a long time.

In the end, I drank it.

But that night, I started vomiting and having diarrhea.

By the time I was rushed to the ER, I was severely dehydrated and unconscious.