I Wasn't the Mother She Wanted

My hand faltered in mid-air, still holding the watering can.

I was baffled. Ruth had refused to have anything to do with me since her birthday party. How would I have known that she would fall sick?

Still, my motherly instincts pushed me to follow Jordan out. On the way to the hospital, I puzzled everything out. Ruth had suddenly started burning up halfway through their meal. Then, she'd passed out.

"Something's wrong, Jordan. I think Ruth is having an allergic reaction," I said, picking up on the flaw in his brief explanation. He and Vivian had ordered something with peanut butter during the meal, and Ruth was allergic to peanuts.

"Is that what happened?" He looked at me in confusion.

I pushed him away and ran into the hospital. Ruth's allergy was one of the things I felt most guilty about because she'd inherited it from me. The allergic reaction could be fatal in severe cases.

"Slow down, Dawn! Your shoe!" Jordan soon caught up with me, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He held one of my shoes in his hand.

I didn't even look at him, though. Ruth had broken out in hives, and her skin was red all over. She weakly called for "Mommy".

"Ruth!" I reached out to hold her, knowing that nothing else mattered in that moment. I didn't care whether she wanted someone else to be her mother or whether she genuinely hated me. I didn't want to think about any of that. All I wanted was to hold my child.

Unfortunately, Ruth recognized me through her delirium. She glared at me and slapped my hands away roughly. "I don't want you!"

Her hoarse voice stabbed me in the chest, making my heart twist painfully.

"Ruth Jensen, she is your mother!" Jordan snapped, looking furious. He'd seen how I'd run into the hospital and knew how panicked I was.

Vivian saw my bare foot and caught the slight metallic scent of blood in the air. She said, "Dawn, you're hurt. You should get it treated. I'll stay here with Ruth."

She'd spent the past two years with Ruth and naturally couldn't bear to be fierce with her. All she could do was awkwardly switch the subject.

I looked down at my foot. I hadn't noticed some broken glass on the floor on my way here, and I'd been too worried to realize I was hurt. Now that I knew, I felt pain shoot through me.

"Go see a doctor for that." Jordan looked guilty.

I sat beside Vivian and removed the glass shards from my foot like they were nothing. "I'm fine. I want to see how Ruth is doing."

Since Ruth had been born, this was my first time experiencing what it was like to be stabbed in the heart. If possible, I wanted to suffer in her place.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Vivian looked concerned. Meanwhile, Jordan looked apprehensive.

"I'm fine. The doctor's here."

I endured the pain as I stood up and ran to the doctor. I knew Ruth's condition and history of allergies better than anyone else.

An hour later, Ruth's fever broke after she'd been administered an IV.

Meanwhile, my head spun. The blood soaked through the shoe I'd slipped on, making me feel like I was being slashed with every step I took.

Jordan saw the state I was in and offered to accompany me as I saw a doctor. However, Ruth refused to let him go. She held his and Vivian's hands tightly, her pale face filled with reliance.

"Don't worry about it," I said. I leaned in to tuck the blanket higher around Ruth. She didn't want me to touch her, and I didn't dare push her. This was all I could do to bring us closer.

"Drop your act." Ruth turned away from me.

I tugged on my sleeve, feeling awkward and crestfallen. Then, I turned and headed to a clinic.

I'd gotten injured an hour ago, and my foot was covered in blood. The doctor was impressed by my ability to endure pain, but he was also upset that I'd been so negligent of myself.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and smiled faintly. "It's just a minor injury."

Compared to the pain Ruth's attitude toward me had caused, this was nothing.