I Do, I Don't

Jason and I were campus sweethearts.

Back in junior year, we met through a competition. He claimed it was love at first sight, and from then on, he pursued me relentlessly.

At the beginning, I was not optimistic.

My parents were divorced, and custody went to my mother. But she quickly remarried, leaving me in the care of my grandparents.

I witnessed my parents' marriage collapse with my own eyes, and the fear of love was etched deep into my bones.

It was Jason who told me, again and again, that he would give me a home.

It was Jason who let me ask for reassurance a thousand times, who never tired of affirming his love.

It was Jason who slowly broke down the walls I built.

He was attentive, gentle, and always considerate of my feelings.

Everyone said he was the perfect boyfriend, and I once believed that, too.

But as days turned into years, our friends and colleagues settled down one after another, yet Jason and I never took things further.

Before my grandfather passed away, he told me his biggest regret was not being able to see me married.

And this year, my grandmother's health declined. She was already admitted to the hospital several times this year.

Jason never knew the kind of resolve it took for a timid, awkward, love-starved girl like me to propose to him repeatedly before a crowd.

Each time, he would say he wasn't ready, and I believed him.

I thought, even if he really had a fear of marriage, it did not matter. We were together so long. I could wait a little longer.

What I never expected was that, in the end, I would be waiting only to see him propose to another woman.

The woman in the mirror had eyes swollen red from crying.

I wiped away my tears, hollow as a puppet with its strings cut, and returned to my room.

I tore through drawers and closets, gathering every gift he gave me over the years.

There were hand-sewn plush bears and luxury handbags worth thousands. All together, there were more than a hundred items in total.

These things witnessed our journey from youthful beginnings to maturity. And now, they would also witness our end.

I packed everything into several large boxes and made trip after trip, dumping them into the garbage bins downstairs.

After I finished, I collapsed on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, the other side of the bed was still untouched. Jason did not come home all night.

A sharp pain twisted in my chest, but it passed quickly.

Seven years of love was not easy to let go of. But since he chose someone else, I could not keep drowning in it.

When I opened my phone, I saw a new friend request on my social media app. It was from an unmarked account.

On impulse, I thought of the assistant I saw yesterday. I clicked accept.

I tapped into the account's feed.

The latest post was a photo of two hands intertwined.

On both hands, wedding rings gleamed.

I recognized the man's hand instantly. It was Jason's.

There was a small bandage on his index finger. The injury was from when he cut himself cooking a few days ago.

I bought that bandage. It was cartoon-patterned, the kind he laughed at.

And the caption read: "When it's true love, you can't wait to walk into marriage. In half a month, I'll be Mrs. Brown."

I scrolled all the way down her feed.

She was young, fresh out of university. It was Jason's newly hired assistant.

They, too, fell in love at first sight. They knew each other for barely two months.

Two months. That was enough to take her where seven years with me never had.

I could not even describe what I felt.

Just then, Jason sent me a message.

[Baby, I'll be away on a business trip these days. Take care of yourself.]

"Baby." The word made something cold rise in me.

I suddenly recalled a joke I once saw online: [Wife, baby, and girlfriend could all be separate entities.]

I asked Jason what he thought about that.

At the time, he held me in his arms and declared solemnly.

"Any man who says that is trash. What's there to brag about? A real man has just one person. Girlfriend, baby, wife, they should all be the same woman. My dearest Jennifer, you are my girlfriend, my baby, and my wife."

How perfect his words sounded.

So why did everything change?